The Fallen Bird

when the morning asked me "have you heard..."
- "the song of the mocking bird"
I looked down and replied in a stern voice
"can't you see"
- "the fallen bird between the carcass of the axed tree"
- Harish Iyer

reflecting back, i can gather that i had written this when i was going through one of the most trying times in my life. i was then still a child  a school going child, and that child was going through frequent psychological and sexual abuse. that child was scared to face boys in his school everyday in the morning. the child found no courage to tell them off when they bullied his style of walk, or tell them that he was indeed in much pain that he was walking in a funny way. the pathos in the poem is apparent. and so is the uncanny ability of the child to humanize other animate and inanimate beings.

Bombay Meri Jaan

Yesterday i was sitting at the sea face of carter road. I had my blackberry on my lap and my micromax mobile in my hand. I was lost in my thoughts enjoying the breeze seated on the lap of the sea over the rocks. That's when i spotted an insect stuck to my shirt, a little over my hip. As a reflex action, i stood up and pushed the insect off my shirt. I dropped my blackberry inside the rubbly rocks. The look on my face was a very “my world has drowned now”. The busy as ever walkway had many curious onlookers. An elderly heterosexual couple, migrants from Uttar Pradesh in North India, came up to me. The husband asked me “kyaa hua bhaiyya, koi maddat chahiye”. I explained what had happened. Quickly the wife sprung in action. She tied up her saree, held her husband’s hand, and jumped with him over the rocks. They had a torch mobile. They used the light to project on the rubbles to look for my mobile. Looking at them, an elderly heterosexual couple, from an affluent family, who were having their routine evening walk came up to me. The wife asked me “What is happening beta... can we help you”. I explained. And before i could finish, they flashed the light of their iPhone and started looking for my phone in the rubbles. Then came a young college boy and girl who were busy cootchie-cooing there. They sensed the tension in the air, gave their lips some rest, and joined the rest in the great mobile hunt. In less than 15 minutes, I had around 25 people over the rocks looking for my phone. There were hindus, muslims, Christians, Parsis and Sikhs. There were rich, poor and middle class. There were 12 year olds, 30 year olds, and 60 year olds. There were security guards, watchmen, managers and CEOs. All of them looking for a mobile phone of an absolute stranger just because the stranger was seemingly very upset. The great search went on for a couple of hours, we removed some stones, looked under rocks. One elderly man jumped in between the rocks while i kept shouting that my phone is not that important that he should risk his life. We did everything possible. We couldn’t find the phone. But i was beaming with joy. The phone is a thing, people are not things. i found something more precious. I found my lost city. I found my people. A city where strangers stop and help anyone who needs help regardless of caste, creed, religion, age or gender. I was given a hug by many, good wishes in many Indian languages. This is way too precious than a mobile phone. Blackberry contacts could be backed up and the phone could be locked up remotely. But where in my heart will i find the space to store this unique love and care that strangers in my city blessed me with. Long live Bombay (or whatever name you want to call it)

Come! UnRape Me

Come! Unrape Me.

Take me back in time.

Take me to the time I was walking in the lonely street.

The time , when 2 men were following me.

Take me to the time when they came too close for comfort.

Take me to the time when I was touched.

Take me to the time I was bottom pinched.

Take me to the time when I was dragged to the bushes.

Take me to the time when all they wanted was a piece of meat.

And they had their piece of flesh - me.

Take me to that time, when you reached there too.

But for a change, change your stance.

Stand with me, not aside watching me voyeuristically.

You had a phone, but no heart, no will, no balls,

Now, if you can do something for me.

Come Unrape Me!

- Harish Iyer

#TrueStory #FirstPersonAccount

Five things I picked up at Sankalp 2013

At the largest ‘unconvention’ for social entrepreneurs in India that wound up last week, this writer was both the insider and outsider. Here are some insights from the experience…

- Malay Desai

 1. An accent

Okay, no. Just kidding. But if the Sankalp Unconvention Summit would’ve continued for longer, I would’ve definitely picked up an Ahmedabad-to-LA-and-back accent. I don’t yet know what to make of the evidently high number of Western and American-Indian entrepreneurs at the event, though I found most of them to be bright speakers, having earnest intentions backed by foreign education and experience.

Notable heads from the dozens were Ajaita Shah of Frontier Markets who promised reliable lighting in rural India, Nathan Sigworth whose ‘Pharmasecure’ provides unique alpha-numeric codes to medicines to verify their authenticity.. and the star of the summit Neil Patel (who turned out to be a relative of Samir Patel, whom I’d written about in Mumbai Mirror in 2009) of Awaaz.De, a venture that won the biggest prize. Mark Kahn, Founder/Partner of Omnivore fund, was my pick of the speakers for his irreverent speech that cracked through jargon like a warm knife through butter.

It was also heartening to hear idea-powered folks from the Nashiks and Guwahatis of India talking confidently in their own ‘accents’ on the big platform. To summarise, that feeling of sharing a ballroom with a hundred-odd ‘Mohan Bhargavs’ of Swades is always cool, innit?

      2.Money has to wear suits, apparently

Given the above nature of the attendees, it shouldn't appear as a surprise that the corridors of The Renaissance Hotel were filled with suits during Sankalp. While I hold no reservations against the sartorial habits of Western gentry, it would have been pleasing to see more kurtas and salwars given that many of the visiting delegates wear those in their day jobs in Tier II and III towns of our hinterland.

On day two, almost to defy the cookie-cutters, I donned my short maroon kurta which I’d like to believe garnered me slightly more attention than my formals on day one. I also found a handful of Indian delegates having done the same, besides Vineet Rai of Avishkaar who comfortably sought limelight in a desi achkan.

Question to mull is – to what extent would you tailor your appearance to conform to the norms of a high-profile event, one where first impressions mean much? My vote is for whatever that lets your confidence fly on that sleeve.

3. Some big ideas

Looking back, at the heart of Sankalp 2013 was quite the Kumbh Mela of ideas, some of which are in shape, many of which need Vitamin M to take off. The truth that nothing in the world is as powerful as an idea was palpable through the summit, with the awards, pitches, workshops and just conversations during lunch.

Minister for Social Welfare, 

Government of Bihar, 

Ms Parveen Amanullah was 

one of the distinguished

 names at Sankalp this year

From the big-bang theories at the G20 Inclusive Summit to the patterns of hope charted out by representatives of Afghanistan and Africa to the social concerns of Bihar Minister Parveen Amanullah, there was much to get the macro-minded listeners going. My picks, however were the simple applications of technologies to better or save the lives of many – Green Power Systems’ ‘Waste-to-Energy’ reactor, IQST’s ambition to provide skill-based training to the youth and the most intriguing – the story of one Popatrao Pawar’s socio-economic experiment in Ahmednagar that changed the face of the town.

If there would be just one reason for me to attend Sankalp forums in the future, it would be listening to the cross-section of these engaging ideas.

4. A few biz cards

With great and simple ideas also come bright, unconventional minds and this congregation was a milieu of them. I must shoot a confession here that if there were a World Cup for networking, I’d be the Indian football team. My distaste for networking in formal environments stems from the belief that one must see a person as a person first, not as a contact. I’d rather prefer to strike conversations at parties and casual gatherings, and that too not in a compulsive way. That said, the slow coffee machine at Sankalp did help many networkers score little heaps of business cards ..and as some fund-seeking delegates told me, this was a huge platform to get the word about your venture to the ears of the right people.

Another thing, the interactions with leaders and followers of the social entrepreneurship sector (not exactly the one in which I work but have a growing interest in) were a mighty exercise in self-reflection, if not anything else. If you, like, I go home and ask yourself how many people in your town/country does your day job directly impact, it would be worthwhile.

5. Promises that are working

picture credit : www.techsangam.com 

            Finally, taking off from the ‘plenty of ideas’ point, it must be said that I cannot help but draw a parallel with Sankalp of that conference the world has taken   a    liking to in the past five years – TED. Having been a follower of TED’s videos and attended the Mumbai editions of TEDx, I have become partly cynical of many of the terrific ideas discussed there – set-ups that provide clean water from mucky water in minutes, wheel-assisted trolleys for rural women who walk for water.. and so on. While they make you clap heartily after listening to them, I haven’t come across many of them being implemented. Of course, this is true to the premise of the organisation – ‘ideas worth spreading.’

           On the other hand, I’d call Sankalp ‘ideas worth getting inspired from’ as the platform invites pre-filtered talents who’ve already proven their worth in their fields and have begun impacting lives at many levels. That the event holds ‘promise’ for a better India (world, actually) is an understatement. It’s rather an annual audit of the promises.

            

                        

       

          [Malay Desai writes on youth trends, humour, sports for various media and runs his social media and content outfit, Punchlines.]

          

          hiyer's note: This post is by my favorite ex-journalist and friend - Malay Desai. It was his sensitively written article on Child Sexual Abuse in Mumbai Mirror (read the unedited article here) about my life that inspired a national award winning film ( I AM)  take takes a leaf out of my life. If today I am a  household name as a crusader for the cause of Child Sexual Abuse, I should say, it all started with this article by Malay. This is an example of how sensitive journalism can help take humanitarian causes to the next level and make icons out of common people. 

   

DOMA and Indian Curry - My article in Tehelka

"Everyone has the right to be miserable. It is not a heterosexual domain".

- extract from my article in Tehelka on the Defense Of Marriage Act (DOMA) in USA. 

read the complete post here. http://blog.tehelka.com/doma-with-indian-curry/

You Will Fall In Love With You

you are trying hard to avoid me,
for you know you are losing control. 
i am trying hard to not reveal all my heart, 
i don't want to be seen as a troll. 

it is a fact that we both know -
that to the same emotion, we both are falling prey. 
funny how we run away, 
from colour of love to shades of black and white and grey. 

don't run away, thinking that it is a change, don't change at all, 
i like you in the purest form of you. 
look at yourself from within me, 
you will fall in love with you. 

#FromMyDiary

                            © Harish Iyer 

"I am sorry" says a mother #SurvivorStory

A month ago, had met a single mother of an adult boy who was sexually abused by a close female relative as a child. The mother was being overtly sympathetic towards the abuser as "she must have been upset about something". The boy was braving serious psychological complications. Dropped out from school. Stayed depressed most of the time,  was very reserved and oblivious towards the simple joys of life. When the boy told his mother, she simply hugged him and asked him to forget it. She "scolded" the abuser for her misbehavior and she thought - the chapter was closed forever. She thought that her child was just one spoiled brat. The boy was reprimanded for every mistake he did. The boy always tried to draw his mothers attention in the wrong way.

All this I got to know when I probed the mother. The mother didn't feel like approaching anyone when her child was abused and she quickly made assumptions about abuse and had in a big-hearted gesture pardoned the abuser by making excuses for her. The mother contacted me because she discovered copies of bombay dost in her son's closet. She was only worried that he was in one too. She thought this would bring her family a bad name.

I spoke to her every day from 01 march 2013. And yesterday, finally she said sorry to her son. She hugged him and cried. She told him that she was sorry that she was silent and didn't take action against the abuser. She said she was sorry that she thought her son was sexually wayward and 'kinky' to have sex with men. She told him that she accepts him as he is, she believes him and she loves him. The boy hugged  his mothers breast and asked "what took you so many years mom?". She didn't have an answer to that. 

Yesterday, late at night, her son called me for the first time. His voice was choked. His words were trembling. After 30 minutes of just thank yous from him. He asked me if he was gay because he was abused by a woman. I told him that I am gay even though I was abused by a man. I probed, and found out that he had sexual encounters with women but thought naturally about men. Told him that love and his being is beyond reason. Told him "you are gay because you are gay and that's the truth because you feel that way... And no science and no age old wisdom and no experience is needed to justify your feelings"

He said that he wishes to be a child again. He said he wishes to be born to me. As a reflex action, I quickly shed some tears of joy for he rekindled the fact that I always thought that deep-within me lies the soul of a mother. He asked me what he could gift me for my birthday. I asked him if his mother and he were okay with his story being shared publicly - that could be the biggest ego booster I need, for it is like an oasis in the desert of traumatic abuse stories everyday. Today morning he said mom and he were fine with me sharing their story but requested me to conceal their identity and obvious references. They asked me if there was anything they could do for me or gift me. I have asked them to keep in touch because they are still just overwhelmed, and healing is a process not an impulsive high. They insisted that they wish to gift me something, I replied that their consent was the biggest gift and that I will flaunt this mail on my blog and other sites - the big drama queen that I am! :)

And... here it is! 

‘Kai Po Che’ – The Socially Relevant Indian Film

CAUTION: SPOILER ALERT

I finally caught up with the KAI PO CHE fever at a cinema house near my place.  I could gather by all the hype-n-hoopla by facebookers and twitterati that this is a film which my mom would possibly love. So, I took her along. The cinema hall was almost filled to the brim. Considering that it was a Tuesday, a day when we are suited booted to work, the fact that the hall was almost houseful stood testimony to the fact that this film was a raving success in box office collections. Whether this film was really as good as it was projected to be was something to gauge.

I stayed away from reading complete reviews of this film as I wanted to steer away from preconceived thoughts and presumptions about the film.   Still what was evident from the pre-publicity was that this was a film about 3 friends.  I also assumed that this film was about some kite flying competition set in Gujarat, India as KAI PO CHE are words uttered by Gujaratis when they manage to cut another kite that’s flying in the sky. I am sure this is what many of you’ll would also be thinking about this film, if you have not seen it yet.  

To start with, this film didn’t have any big names to flaunt in terms of star cast.  But the director Abhishek Kapoor makes the script the god and gets in characters, music, cinematography, screenplay et al  to simply orchestrate it to perfection. Let me not give you a run down about the whole script of the film, but point out at some poignant points it makes, which makes it a very socially relevant film.  In doing so, I know I would reveal some parts of the story, but believe me, even if you have read it, you would love to go and watch this film.  It is not a film, it is an experience. 

• ·         “United We Stand, Divided We Fall”

This is the central message of the film. The film has 3 characters who are as diverse as chalk and cheese. One angry and brute, the other stupid and impulsive, the third calculative, the film takes you through a plethora of emotions (minus melodrama) to help you understand  and empathize without forming opinions on each character.  

These three guys are together in thick and thin, but suddenly, external forces, tragedy and disharmony has the dominos effect on them, and they all topple away, far and beyond. They are like the three ends of the triangle, very uniquely connected to each other. They are touchy feely throughout, yet, it very nicely establishes that this is nothing but heterosexual friend bonding. (What’s the word – yaah “Bromance”)

• ·         “Teaching Could Be Beyond A Profession -  A Passion”

The film has Sushant Singh Rajput who is a cricket enthusiast. His character Ishaan plays a coach who would go to any limits to ensure that the talent he has discovered is nurtured and celebrated. It doesn’t matter to him if the talent he has found bats sixer after sixer  on the field or if he wins a match, what matters to him is the fact that the talent that he has nurtured and the skills he has taught are used for the rounded. There is a scene where his student, is playyying too well, but Sushant isn’t content. He screams at his student from the stands to challenge his limits, and play the bat on the side that he usually avoids. Sushant, works really hard on this student, and his enthusiasm for teaching is undying.

• ·         “Sports Is As Important As Studies”

These 3 guys set up a Cricket training institute and also a cricket equipment shop where they sell cricketing gears.  One parsi lady walks into their shop and she happens to be the principal  of Kendriya Vidyalaya. She suggests that they come to her school and make a presentation to her and the trustees about the inculcation of sports education. They go. They make the presentation. But the trustees feel that bookish education is more important than sports education. Sushant loses his cool, but is logical in his debate. He convinces the trustees to offer them the job. They are given the assignment.

What an important point made! And so very poignantly. Seriously, does anyone care how many marks Sachin Tendulkar scored in his tenth grade?

• ·         “Be Alert Against Political Indoctrination”  

One of the three friends gets money from his politician uncle to sponsor the cricketing franchise. In return he expects his nephew to join his political party. His nephew obliges.  He gets engrossed in the election campaign bit, and gets farther and farther from his friends.  He loses his family in a religio-political attack (Sabarmati Express massacre) and he is being told by his Uncle that he needs to avenge the death of his folks in a Blood-For-Blood mode. His anger is misdirected and he goes for the kill. Angry. Cold Blooded. In the end he ends up killing someone who is very dear to him.

The film speaks about dealing with crises and how easy it is to get misdirected when you are under psychological depression or obligation. It leaves an indelible mark in your memory, without being preachy or activistic at any point. This character – Omi, could be anybody. Each one of us would identify with him, at some point of our lives.

• ·         “Yeah! Women Can Exercise Sexual Agency.”

O! I always thought that WOMAN ON TOP was an Anurag Kashyap domain. Here Abhishek Kapoor offers him some stiff competition. The scene where the woman (played by Amita Puri) takes charge of her sexual desires and dares to make moves at her tutor by feeling up his skin is awe inspiring. There are occasions when the guy is chicken when she is hot like a tandoor.  

In a country where the penis is seen as a hero and the vagina as something that needs to be whitened and tightened for  HIS pleasure.  A woman, daring to exercise her pleasure and exhibit her sexual needs, desires and fantasies is always revolutionary.

• ·         “Babes, Pop The Cherry, But Bear No Seed”

The film is set in Gujarat. And it is not a hidden fact that navratri is the mating season in Gujarat. I was not surprised to see Govind (Raj Kumar Yadav) in his peacocked attire getting cozy with Vidya (Amita) and finally copulating after playing Garbha with each other. (I really need to understand, how one copulates wearing such a difficult dress. It would take ages for one to remove the clothing) Later, Govind is stunned when Vidya tells him that she has missed her periods as he had used “Protection”. Later it she gets her chums.

Very interesting to see that Raj Kumar is shown as a sexually shy guy in the beginning (he shies from reading FUN magazine whe, representing an average Indian, who does not speak about sex or watch pornography but does it nevertheless.  With films like these, Dr. Watsa would be out of his business. In a very subtle way, Koi Po Che tells the audience to use protection in heterosexual sexepedes to avoid pregnancy. It also tells the audience that the Sperm is not Casper to magically slip out of the walls of the condom to swim through the vagina to the ovary to make a baby there.  God, that’s too much effort for the sperms to undertake.

The film Kai Po Che, which sounds like POI PO CHE which means IT IS GONE in tamil, is anything but that. This film is here to stay in the annals of bollywood film history. Kai Po Che would be remembered. It is a film with an unconventional title and a very conventional heart. At no point is the film “preachy”, the characters flow in from one scene to the other seamlessly.  Kai Po Che is an interesting collage of emotions that help in navigating the story. At no point did I feel that there was a character that was a misfit. There were no item songs.  There was no fanfare music. There is no LEAD ACTOR.  Every character is a lead character.  And there is no STAR. And that possibly helps because, there are no unnecessary – over the top – histrionic emotions where the camera focuses on the main leads face back and forth just because the actor wants to add some more masala to his portfolio. The good thing is that this film proves that a starless film can actually be a star.

Chetan Bhagat’s stories evoke extreme emotions – they are either loved-to-death or they are hated-as-hell… but films inspired by his book are always a blockbuster (Yes yes, I know HELLO! Was a HELL NO! but let’s ignore that one film).  I have not read the book, I am not much a book reader, but I should say that the screenplay was wonderful.

There were no words like “HINDU” or “MUSLIM” used in the film prominently. It was just THIS GROUP and THAT GROUP. There are no fancy abuses. The music is simply to suit the mood of the film. There is no item number. There is no camera zooming in and zooming out unnecessarily. This film doesn’t try being an entertainer, and it leaves you entertained. If there is something that is truly bollywood in the film – it is the climax. That’s the point you will jump on your seats and say “I knew it”… “I knew it”.

If you are planning to watch this film. Don’t plan, GO WATCH IT. Watch it for Sushant, Raj Kumar Yadav, Amit Sadh and Amrita Puri – They are FAB. They are fab because they don’t overplay their character to gain brownie points despite the fact that this is their big ticket film.  Watch it for Abhishek Kapoor, who has made a film from his heart. Watch it for the story that leaves a mark on you. Watch it because you wish to support cinema without big names to back it.  I am not saying that this is the best film made on earth. But I am definitely saying that this film is an experience, you should have at least once.  

And more over, watch this film, because this is a film that speaks about 3 main Indian religions– Hindu, Muslim and Cricket.

Die, But To Be Born Again

I know sometimes the sun shines bright

And sometimes you have a dreary night.
.. there are two skies it may seem.
... but life is a dream yet not a dream.

But all times remember, that whatever the day,
or come what may-

".. it is never too late to look outside at the lake, get lost in the woods,
hear the chirping of the birds,
seek rainbows in the sky...
and then decide,
if you want to give it a thought now - from the slippery cliff that indecisively you are hanging from..
do you wish to give up your grip to die,
or to be born again after your painful self has died.

#JustWroteToSomeone

Tête-à-tête with Teachers Of Akanksha Foundation on CSA and Sexuality

Harish Iyer came to speak to our group of teachers, and it was one of the most powerful stories that I have heard in a long time. All of us were sitting on the edges of our seats, making sure that we heard each and every word that he said. He told his story with such emotion, humor and eloquence that no matter what your politics, you could empathize with the humanity that he exhibited. His use of humor immediately made me comfortable around such a heavy topic of discussion.

And it wasn't the story of abuse that captivated us, or rather, horrified us, but it was the strength of character which 

Harish showed that stood out. The way that he has overcome all the shame and prejudice with his confidence, humor and 

resilience. His resolve to spread awareness and dialogue about child sexual abuse and gay rights is extremely commendable,

and he is a living example of how we can overcome our struggles if we have the right attitude. 

 

- Nina Sawhney
The Akanksha Foundation

Chief Narcissist that i call my self, whenever i am low, i make myself happy reading what people 

have to say about me. :) Just collating my best responses in my blog. 

The Delhi Rape Case - My Vent

What would you do if you saw someone getting molested.

Chances are that every sentence that you are going to read below has no connection with the other. I am angry but, and I want to type. I want to write. I want to share. I need a vent and you will have to read it.

thank you Google for the candle doodle. It is but necessary that we grow beyond symbolism.

Having said that, considering that we are a nation that follows the herd. We should also see to it that there is a big herd of people championing the cause, so that there could be a bigger impact.  We  don’t lead, we only follow. We are on the lookout for leaders.  But not all issues need someone to lead. It should be in our instinct to respond to any form of abuse with a kick, with a shout, with a complaint. But we don’t. we are too scared.  

We provide a society for women where they could just be a scared sacred deity put on the isolated pedestal of shame.

We see it all the time. Women in trains and busses being ogled at. We see women being beaten by their husbands in our vicinity. We see children being beaten. We do nothing.  I have been witness to many such events. And mind you, I can say with utmost pride that I have done something at least. And I have shamelessly shared my doings on facebook. Hoping that of the many people who brand me as attention seeking, would also follow suit and do something when they see something wrong happening to women, homosexuals, transgenders or children. And believe me, they do. Every time I post something on facebook, I get ten  fifteen emails of people who share their hearts deepest secrets with me. Some do it publicly in a fit of rage as comments on this post today. LINK .

This morning, I received a call from an angry girl who wanted to kill all men. She kept screaming her lungs out. I listened. Quietly without uttering a word, I heard. She ended her verbal marathon, with "thanks for hearing me harry. I was molested. I was also molested"

The delhi girl has stirred the nation. She has helped people get their trauma to the surface and deal with it. Those who have suffered sexual violence, can't really forget. They should not pretend to have forgotten. Some angers need a desparate vent. The wounds need healing. The braveheart of india has kindled a spark that will result in a forest-fire of reforms. It has to. A survivor of sexual violence, and I know what it means to receive so much support. What it means to have the whole of india enraged for a common cause. Sexual abuse survivors know. I know. Sometimes I feel I should shut the TV. Sometimes I feel I should shout. Sometimes I feel I should not look at the newspaper. No matter how "healed" you are. No matter how far you have come ahead of the ghastly incidence of sexual assault in your life. Your emotions would take a churning. We are all bound with fine-threads of empathy, so. Thank you India. Thank you media for your sensitivity. We still don't know the name of the girl. Thanks for protecting the girl's identity.

I know, a survivor can't get unraped, we can't get un-molested. And un-sexually assaulted. But we can look now at a window called "change" and breathe. It refreshing to know that India cares. This girl has kindled the spark of empathy. So overwhelmed I am with emotions that I just don't wish to stop typing. Thank you girl. Love you delhi-girl. Love you.

I had a friend writing to me that he is pissed of the people asking him – “aaj raat ko marine drive challenge. Udhar mast protest karke party mein jaayeinge”.  He was fuming  with anger. He was telling me how these so called “concerned” lot were  making a mockery of the whole drama.  

I can sit cushioned in my air conditioned office and speak about woman rights. But there is another India in my house, where my mom gets coffee on order for my dad. there is another India in my neighborhood where my neighbor slaps his wife because she doesn’t give him blow jobs. There is another India within us that wouldn’t shy to call a woman a "chinaal", "randi" or simply say the very affable "chutiya", like it was like whispering some sweetnothings into someones ears. There is another India where we worship women, and then treat her like a rotten apple when she starts menstruating after the initial “coming-of-age-and-now-in-the-Marriage-Market”celebration. We live in two India’s. And these two india’s are a manifestation of our deep rooted culture.

Lets accept it. We are a species of self-righteous  idiots who want to change the world, but not change ourselves.

Lets accept it. We are all ass@les.

A little more than boosting India's "Candle Economy"

We are a nation with a brutally blooming candle economy. May be that's the best thing we could do after the collateral damage. You want to do it when you don't know what to do to give your frustrations a vent - Brilliant. Do it. How many candles would it take to lighten the fury that is brewing within? Use it all. Burn it all. But don't be wicked. Dont let the flame die with the death of the wick.

I have a problem; a big problem with the way we think. We feed our children with stories about how women are either the devi or the daayan. How women are either the sati savitri or the slutty savitri. If things have to change a woman has to become human. You can't speak of human rights when you are thinking that the woman is some celestial being.

And we are a society that manufactures rapists in wholesale. We need to really get into the mind of our society to understand that is we who make rapists. It is not as much  about the sexual act than it is about the desire to dominate and oppress. We teach our children - "jaake usse mazza chakka de", "Beta usko sabak sikhaa de". Our religious books are all written by men. And the morals that we take out of the books is of male chauvinism, which is usually sugar coated with "the supreme sacrifice of a woman".


Its about the delhi girl. Its about women rights. But it is not ONLY about the delhi girl. It is not ONLY about women rights. It is about the larger issue of dominance of one over the other in a society that breeds inequality.  And also, the man is not always the sinner, the woman needn't always be the victim. Parallelly as the news of delhi rape case and the national agitation picked up, also there were hate crimes against men and small children.

So, it is proactive educational and sensitization measures that would help. Large national strategy meetings would not help if we spend too much time and debate on the method when we actually should be doing small deeds to seed tolerance in the society of un equals. The issue is not just about rapes, it is a subset of the larger issue of dominance, and hatecrimes. Let's start building a more tolerant society, in whatever way we can. Using whatever methods or expertise or art form we are best at. The world is not bad. Some people are. Delhi is not bad. Some people there are. We need to look at the larger picture. And start furthering the cause towards a tolerant society. Towards a society where you don't live with the fear of being dominated or hated for what you are or what you choose to be. Misogyny, homophobia

Let this dance for change be at a high tempo always. The dance of rage against domination and discrimination. 
Let's not wait for rapes and then contribute to the candle economy. Let's keep the fire lit. 

Akanksha students feedback :) (session date : 09 Dec 2012)

i had the good fortune of interacting with students of akanksha foundation on  09 December 2012. The topic  of discussion was  child sexual abuse and sexuality.  I know this may seem narcissistic that I share this here. But i want you to know what emotions emerge as an aftereffect of a simple  heart-to-heart talk. 

I have heard you even before but it was a long time ago. So I don’t remember it and, true be true, I wasn't so focused last time. I really like the session and I had many things to ask, say and confirm after the session but at the end I was totally silent and I really want to salute you for your courage.

I am totally speechless about your courage, to openly share something so painful about your life.

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While the session was going, I almost was nearly to cry, but later on the emotion changed and felt like doing something for any of my friend who is going through something like this and help even if he is not my friend.

You are truly an inspiration. I am not able to write everything I want because I am speechless but will definitely add next time. I am lucky I had a session with you. Proudly salute you man. 

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मुझे आपसे मिलके अच्छा लगा और आप जिस तरह से अपने बारे में सब कुछ हमें बताया वोह भी बिना शर्म के . कुछ लोग अपने बारे में खुद के साथ क्या होता है वोह कुछ बताते नहीं हैं। लेकिन आपने जो बताया वोह अच्छा लगा और आपके वजह से किसी और गे को चिड़ाते है वोह भी बंद हो जाएगा। ऐसा मुझे लगा। मुझे दूसरो का पता नहीं, लेकिन आपने job ही बताया वोह सुनकर मुझे अच्छा लगा।sorry भैया मैंने आपको ऊपर GAY ऐसा लिखा है। 

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Dear Bhaiya,

I really liked the session. One thing that I like about you is you are so friendly and open gay I have seen in my life.

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मुझे आज का session  बहुत अचा लगा, क्यूंकि मुझे सेक्स  के बारे में ज्यादा information मिली। और थोडा emotional भी हो गयी। पर आज  आप आये इस लिए मुझे बहुत अचा लगा। और आप आये तोह बात करके बहुत अचा और FREE  लगा। मैं चाहती हु के आप फिर से आये। 

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मुझे ये session सुनकर बहुत अच्छा लगा। कुछ नयी story सुनने को मिली। story  के बीच में इतना दुःख हुआ की मैं सोची की  बैठ के बहुत रोऊ । लेकिन एक हिम्मत भी आ गयी की इसी समय रोना नहीं चाहिए। दुसरो की बाते सुनानी चाहिए ताकि उसकी हिम्मत बढे। अगर मेरी ज़िन्दगी में ऐसा कुछ होता है, मेरे गर में या मेरे फ्रेंड के साथ तोह मैं भी उसकी मद्दद करू। 

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Dear Harish bhaiya,

After listening all about you, I feel very bad and very sad for you. Whenever you say that I am gay, I was feeling that why were you saying that you are gay. Actually you should not say because I thought whenever you said it hurt me. I was not getting attracted on you (initially) but more attracted to you feeling how you had expressed yourself to us.

Bhaiya, you know that I always like to tease the gay person because I think they only like boys and they like to be with them but after doing session with you I got to know that it’s all about likes. If I like girl I am ok and if I like boy still I am ok because it’s my right.

Liked to hear your story and feelings with (your) sweet voice.

Your fan

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I liked this session a lot because I had very different thinking about gays and I thought that gays are gays because of their hormones and because they wanted to become a gay. And I also thought they don’t talk to girls and they behave in the manner that if they see any male they just go and stick to them. But I am very grateful to bhaiya that he came and told us the truth of his life. I also know the cases like this in my community. I would like to share it to you. I have a cousin brother and he always try to misbehave with my own brother when my dad was in hospital, no one was there at my home so my brother used to be at my cousin’s house. And he used to say do it with me and I will give you money or I will hit you, so in fear he used to go in bathroom and my brother was abused. It happened many times and once I got to know about this. So I asked my brother about this and he was so scared that he was not saying anything. But however he said when I started telling him tell otherwise mom will beat you. Then he told me. And now it has stopped happening.

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Today’s session with Harish is very nice. I learnt too much from this session. I feel first time that what the other person think when we tease them. I think the session was very nice. And I really appreciate Harish bhaiya’s courage that he fought with this huge problem.

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The session was very good, interesting and useful. And it was also informative. And this was the first time when I came across such a speaker who gave us a lot of information about how the world looks at such things which they think that it’s different from their society. And I realized that if somebody is teasing someone as gay, it can affect the victim a lot and this can lead for them to commit suicide.

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I like this session very well. When Harish bhaiya came I never thought that bhaiya was a gay. He look like a dude as well. He told us about what happen in his past. He said truly about his past.

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The session was very interesting and created awareness. I got to know and learn about gays and transgenders.

This session has taught me how to behave with others and after listening to their problems how to come to the conclusion and solve problems.

I enjoyed the session very much.

Thank you.

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To हरीश भैय्या 

आज का class मुझे अच्छा लगा क्यूंकि मुझे वोह सब के बारे में जानना अच्छा लगता है। मुझे आपके बारे में पत्ता था, पर मुझे देखना था  की वह इंसान कौन है। आज आपको देख भी लिया तोह मुझे बहुत अचा लगा।  आपने जब आपकी  story बतायी तोह थोडा रोना भी आया।

Thank you bhaiya.

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Dear Harish bhaiya,

मुझे आजका  class  बहुत पसंद आया। अब मज्जा भी आया हरीश भैय्या के आने से पहले मुझे  gay लोगो से बहुत दर लगता था। लेकिन आज के क्लास के बाद मुझे उनसे कभी दर नहीं लगेगा। बल्कि मैं उनकी इज्ज़त करूंगी। 

Harish  भैय्या के कारण मुझे ये सीख मिली की कितनी बड़ी ही क्यु ना  problem  हो उसके सामने हमें डटें रहना चाहिए। 

Thank you भैय्या .

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I liked the way when Harish bhaiya was sharing his stories with us. 

जब वोह बोल रहे थे मेरी आँखों में सच्ची का आसू आ रहे थे। जिस अन्दास से वोह बोल रहे थे मैं उनके दर्द को सचमुच feel  कर पा रही थी। पहले जब उन्होंने अपने को gay  बोलकर introduce  किया तब में 10 मिनट तक डरी हुयी थी। 

पर जब उनकी बाते सुनने लगी तोह वोह डर भी चला गया। 

उनकी हिम्मत तोह काबिल-इ-तारीफ़ है। 

मानना पड़ेगा उनकी हिम्मत को। 

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 बहुत अचा लगा आपके experience  सुन्नके। 

एक और learning मिली। . I am very happy after hearing your story. Whatever you did, it was a great inspiration for me. I got inspired from you.

Thank you very much for being with us and sharing your real life experience with us.

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I like this session very much because I learn much more about child sex abuse. I like many things in this session and one of them is that Harish bhaiya told us that if any child tells you that he/she is suffering from child sex abuse, we should hold his/her hand and listen him/her.

So, thank you Harish bhaiya for coming here and next time please come with Juhi chawla J

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I had come when the session was getting over but I got the last part of the session and I was very surprised that you were so courageous to share your story with us. But I still don’t know your story which I will ask my friends. But I feel that you are doing a good job by sharing with us your experiences. Thank you…..

Also by coming late I could quickly understand what were you talking about so your presentation skills are very nice.

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मुझे येह बातें सुनकर बहुत अच्छा लगा।  

 gay के बारे में, lesbian के बारे में,  –  की कैसे होते हैं, जब मैं सोचती हु इनके बारे में तब मुझे बूरा कगता है। हरीश भैय्या आप बहुत अछे हो की आपने लेस्बियन और गे के बारे में बताया।  

आपकी कहानी बतायी। आपने ये सोचा भी नहीं के आपको कोई चिदायेगा। बिना डरे अपने बारे में बट्टा दिया। 

Thank  you  भैय्या। 

हमें बहुत अचा लगा और हमें इस बारे में बहुत सीख मिली। 

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After this session my thinking towards homosexuals has really changed and my respect towards them has grown more.

Thank you Harish bhaiya