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Monday, May 20, 2013
Monday, May 13, 2013
The Fallen Bird
when the morning asked me "have you
heard..."
- "the song of the mocking bird"
I looked down and replied in a stern voice
"can't you see"
- "the fallen bird between the carcass of the axed tree"
- Harish Iyer
- "the song of the mocking bird"
I looked down and replied in a stern voice
"can't you see"
- "the fallen bird between the carcass of the axed tree"
- Harish Iyer
reflecting back, i can
gather that i had written this when i was going through one of the most trying
times in my life. i was then still a child a school going child, and
that child was going through frequent psychological and sexual abuse. that
child was scared to face boys in his school everyday in the morning. the child
found no courage to tell them off when they bullied his style of walk, or tell
them that he was indeed in much pain that he was walking in a funny way. the
pathos in the poem is apparent. and so is the uncanny ability of the child
to humanize other animate and inanimate beings.
Saturday, May 11, 2013
Bombay Meri Jaan
Yesterday i was
sitting at the sea face of carter road. I had my blackberry on my lap and my
micromax mobile in my hand. I was lost in my thoughts enjoying the breeze
seated on the lap of the sea over the rocks. That's when i spotted an insect
stuck to my shirt, a little over my hip. As a reflex action, i stood up and
pushed the insect off my shirt. I dropped my blackberry inside the rubbly
rocks. The look on my face was a very “my world has drowned now”. The busy as
ever walkway had many curious onlookers. An elderly heterosexual couple,
migrants from Uttar Pradesh in North India, came up to me. The husband asked me
“kyaa hua bhaiyya, koi maddat chahiye”. I explained what had happened. Quickly
the wife sprung in action. She tied up her saree, held her husband’s hand, and
jumped with him over the rocks. They had a torch mobile. They used the light to
project on the rubbles to look for my mobile. Looking at them, an elderly
heterosexual couple, from an affluent family, who were having their routine
evening walk came up to me. The wife asked me “What is happening beta... can we
help you”. I explained. And before i could finish, they flashed the light of
their iPhone and started looking for my phone in the rubbles. Then came a young
college boy and girl who were busy cootchie-cooing there. They sensed the
tension in the air, gave their lips some rest, and joined the rest in the great
mobile hunt. In less than 15 minutes, I had around 25 people over the rocks
looking for my phone. There were hindus, muslims, Christians, Parsis and Sikhs.
There were rich, poor and middle class. There were 12 year olds, 30 year olds,
and 60 year olds. There were security guards, watchmen, managers and CEOs. All
of them looking for a mobile phone of an absolute stranger just because the stranger
was seemingly very upset. The great search went on for a couple of hours, we
removed some stones, looked under rocks. One elderly man jumped in between the
rocks while i kept shouting that my phone is not that important that he should
risk his life. We did everything possible. We couldn’t find the phone. But i
was beaming with joy. The phone is a thing, people are not things. i found
something more precious. I found my lost city. I found my people. A city where
strangers stop and help anyone who needs help regardless of caste, creed,
religion, age or gender. I was given a hug by many, good wishes in many Indian
languages. This is way too precious than a mobile phone. Blackberry contacts
could be backed up and the phone could be locked up remotely. But where in my
heart will i find the space to store this unique love and care that strangers
in my city blessed me with. Long live Bombay (or whatever name you want to call
it)
Thursday, April 25, 2013
Come! UnRape Me
Come! Unrape Me.
Take me back in time.
Take me to the time I was walking in the lonely street.
The time , when 2 men were following me.
Take me to the time when they came too close for comfort.
Take me to the time when I was touched.
Take me to the time I was bottom pinched.
Take me to the time when I was dragged to the bushes.
Take me to the time when all they wanted was a piece of meat.
And they had their piece of flesh - me.
Take me to that time, when you reached there too.
But for a change, change your stance.
Stand with me, not aside watching me voyeuristically.
You had a phone, but no heart, no will, no balls,
Now, if you can do something for me.
Come
Unrape Me!
- Harish Iyer
#TrueStory #FirstPersonAccount
Sunday, April 21, 2013
Five things I picked up at Sankalp 2013
At the largest ‘unconvention’ for social entrepreneurs in
India that wound up last week, this writer was both the insider and outsider. Here
are some insights from the experience…
- Malay
Desai
1. An accent
Okay,
no. Just kidding. But if the Sankalp Unconvention Summit would’ve continued for
longer, I would’ve definitely picked up an Ahmedabad-to-LA-and-back accent. I
don’t yet know what to make of the evidently high number of Western and American-Indian
entrepreneurs at the event, though I found most of them to be bright speakers,
having earnest intentions backed by foreign education and experience.
Notable
heads from the dozens were Ajaita Shah of Frontier Markets who promised
reliable lighting in rural India, Nathan Sigworth whose ‘Pharmasecure’ provides
unique alpha-numeric codes to medicines to verify their authenticity.. and the
star of the summit Neil Patel (who turned out to be a relative of Samir Patel,
whom I’d written about in Mumbai Mirror
in 2009) of Awaaz.De, a venture that won the biggest prize. Mark Kahn,
Founder/Partner of Omnivore fund, was my pick of the speakers for his
irreverent speech that cracked through jargon like a warm knife through butter.
It
was also heartening to hear idea-powered folks from the Nashiks and Guwahatis
of India talking confidently in their own ‘accents’ on the big platform. To
summarise, that feeling of sharing a ballroom with a hundred-odd ‘Mohan
Bhargavs’ of Swades is always cool, innit?
2.Money has to wear suits,
apparently
Given
the above nature of the attendees, it shouldn't appear as a surprise that the
corridors of The Renaissance Hotel were filled with suits during Sankalp. While
I hold no reservations against the sartorial habits of Western gentry, it would
have been pleasing to see more kurtas and salwars given that many of the
visiting delegates wear those in their day jobs in Tier II and III towns of our
hinterland.
On
day two, almost to defy the cookie-cutters, I donned my short maroon kurta which
I’d like to believe garnered me slightly more attention than my formals on day
one. I also found a handful of Indian delegates having done the same, besides
Vineet Rai of Avishkaar who comfortably sought limelight in a desi achkan.
Question
to mull is – to what extent would you tailor your appearance to conform to the
norms of a high-profile event, one where first impressions mean much? My vote
is for whatever that lets your confidence fly on that sleeve.
3. Some big ideas
Looking
back, at the heart of Sankalp 2013 was quite the Kumbh Mela of ideas, some of
which are in shape, many of which need Vitamin M to take off. The truth that nothing
in the world is as powerful as an idea was palpable through the summit, with
the awards, pitches, workshops and just conversations during lunch.
 |
Minister for Social
Welfare,
Government of Bihar,
Ms Parveen Amanullah was
one of the distinguished
names at Sankalp this year
|
From
the big-bang theories at the G20 Inclusive Summit to the patterns of hope
charted out by representatives of Afghanistan and Africa to the social concerns
of Bihar Minister Parveen Amanullah, there was much to get the macro-minded
listeners going. My picks, however were the simple applications of technologies
to better or save the lives of many – Green Power Systems’ ‘Waste-to-Energy’
reactor, IQST’s ambition to provide skill-based training to the youth and the
most intriguing – the story of one Popatrao Pawar’s socio-economic experiment
in Ahmednagar that changed the face of the town.
If
there would be just one reason for me to attend Sankalp forums in the future,
it would be listening to the cross-section of these engaging ideas.
4. A few biz cards
With
great and simple ideas also come bright, unconventional minds and this
congregation was a milieu of them. I must shoot a confession here that if there
were a World Cup for networking, I’d be the Indian football team. My distaste
for networking in formal environments stems from the belief that one must see a
person as a person first, not as a contact. I’d rather prefer to strike
conversations at parties and casual gatherings, and that too not in a
compulsive way. That said, the slow coffee machine at Sankalp did help many networkers
score little heaps of business cards ..and as some fund-seeking delegates told
me, this was a huge platform to get the word about your venture to the ears of the
right people.
Another
thing, the interactions with leaders and followers of the social
entrepreneurship sector (not exactly the one in which I work but have a growing
interest in) were a mighty exercise in self-reflection, if not anything else.
If you, like, I go home and ask yourself how many people in your town/country
does your day job directly impact, it would be worthwhile.
5. Promises that are working
 |
| picture credit : www.techsangam.com |
Finally,
taking off from the ‘plenty of ideas’ point, it must be said that I cannot help but draw a parallel with Sankalp of that conference the world has taken a liking to in the past five years – TED. Having been a follower of TED’s videos
and attended the Mumbai editions of TEDx, I have become partly cynical of many
of the terrific ideas discussed there – set-ups that provide clean water from
mucky water in minutes, wheel-assisted trolleys for rural women who walk for
water.. and so on. While they make you clap heartily after listening to them, I
haven’t come across many of them being implemented. Of course, this is true to
the premise of the organisation – ‘ideas worth spreading.’
On
the other hand, I’d call Sankalp ‘ideas worth getting inspired from’ as the
platform invites pre-filtered talents who’ve already proven their worth in their
fields and have begun impacting lives at many levels. That the event holds
‘promise’ for a better India (world, actually) is an understatement. It’s rather
an annual audit of the promises.
[Malay Desai writes
on youth trends, humour, sports for various media and runs his social media and
content outfit, Punchlines.]
hiyer's note: This post is by my favorite ex-journalist and friend - Malay Desai. It was his sensitively written article on Child Sexual Abuse in Mumbai Mirror (read the unedited article here) about my life that inspired a national award winning film ( I AM) take takes a leaf out of my life. If today I am a household name as a crusader for the cause of Child Sexual Abuse, I should say, it all started with this article by Malay. This is an example of how sensitive journalism can help take humanitarian causes to the next level and make icons out of common people.
Tuesday, April 09, 2013
DOMA and Indian Curry - My article in Tehelka
"Everyone has the right to be miserable. It is not a heterosexual domain".
- extract from my article in Tehelka on the Defense Of Marriage Act (DOMA) in USA.
read the complete post here. http://blog.tehelka.com/doma-with-indian-curry/
You Will Fall In Love With You
you are trying hard to avoid me,
for you know you are losing control.
i am trying hard to not reveal all my heart,
i don't want to be seen as a troll.
it is a fact that we both know -
that to the same emotion, we both are falling prey.
funny how we run away,
from colour of love to shades of black and white and grey.
don't run away, thinking that it is a change, don't change at all,
i like you in the purest form of you.
look at yourself from within me,
you will fall in love with you.
#FromMyDiary
for you know you are losing control.
i am trying hard to not reveal all my heart,
i don't want to be seen as a troll.
it is a fact that we both know -
that to the same emotion, we both are falling prey.
funny how we run away,
from colour of love to shades of black and white and grey.
don't run away, thinking that it is a change, don't change at all,
i like you in the purest form of you.
look at yourself from within me,
you will fall in love with you.
#FromMyDiary
© Harish Iyer
Tuesday, April 02, 2013
"I am sorry" says a mother #SurvivorStory
A month ago, had met a single mother of an adult boy who was sexually abused by a close female relative as a child. The mother was being overtly sympathetic towards the abuser as "she must have been upset about something". The boy was braving serious psychological complications. Dropped out from school. Stayed depressed most of the time, was very reserved and oblivious towards the simple joys of life. When the boy told his mother, she simply hugged him and asked him to forget it. She "scolded" the abuser for her misbehavior and she thought - the chapter was closed forever. She thought that her child was just one spoiled brat. The boy was reprimanded for every mistake he did. The boy always tried to draw his mothers attention in the wrong way.
All this I got to know when I probed the mother. The mother didn't feel like approaching anyone when her child was abused and she quickly made assumptions about abuse and had in a big-hearted gesture pardoned the abuser by making excuses for her. The mother contacted me because she discovered copies of bombay dost in her son's closet. She was only worried that he was in one too. She thought this would bring her family a bad name.
I spoke to her every day from 01 march 2013. And yesterday, finally she said sorry to her son. She hugged him and cried. She told him that she was sorry that she was silent and didn't take action against the abuser. She said she was sorry that she thought her son was sexually wayward and 'kinky' to have sex with men. She told him that she accepts him as he is, she believes him and she loves him. The boy hugged his mothers breast and asked "what took you so many years mom?". She didn't have an answer to that.
Yesterday, late at night, her son called me for the first time. His voice was choked. His words were trembling. After 30 minutes of just thank yous from him. He asked me if he was gay because he was abused by a woman. I told him that I am gay even though I was abused by a man. I probed, and found out that he had sexual encounters with women but thought naturally about men. Told him that love and his being is beyond reason. Told him "you are gay because you are gay and that's the truth because you feel that way... And no science and no age old wisdom and no experience is needed to justify your feelings"
He said that he wishes to be a child again. He said he wishes to be born to me. As a reflex action, I quickly shed some tears of joy for he rekindled the fact that I always thought that deep-within me lies the soul of a mother. He asked me what he could gift me for my birthday. I asked him if his mother and he were okay with his story being shared publicly - that could be the biggest ego booster I need, for it is like an oasis in the desert of traumatic abuse stories everyday. Today morning he said mom and he were fine with me sharing their story but requested me to conceal their identity and obvious references. They asked me if there was anything they could do for me or gift me. I have asked them to keep in touch because they are still just overwhelmed, and healing is a process not an impulsive high. They insisted that they wish to gift me something, I replied that their consent was the biggest gift and that I will flaunt this mail on my blog and other sites - the big drama queen that I am! :)
And... here it is!
Wednesday, February 27, 2013
‘Kai Po Che’ – The Socially Relevant Indian Film
CAUTION: SPOILER ALERT
I finally caught up with the KAI PO CHE fever at a cinema house near
my place. I could gather by all the hype-n-hoopla
by facebookers and twitterati that this is a film which my mom would possibly
love. So, I took her along. The cinema hall was almost filled to the brim.
Considering that it was a Tuesday, a day when we are suited booted to work, the
fact that the hall was almost houseful stood testimony to the fact that this
film was a raving success in box office collections. Whether this film was
really as good as it was projected to be was something to gauge.
I stayed away from reading complete reviews of
this film as I wanted to steer away from preconceived thoughts and presumptions
about the film. Still what was evident
from the pre-publicity was that this was a film about 3 friends. I also assumed that this film was about some
kite flying competition set in Gujarat, India as KAI PO CHE are words uttered
by Gujaratis when they manage to cut another kite that’s flying in the sky. I
am sure this is what many of you’ll would also be thinking about this film, if
you have not seen it yet.
To start with, this film didn’t have any big
names to flaunt in terms of star cast.
But the director Abhishek Kapoor makes the script the god and gets in
characters, music, cinematography, screenplay et al to simply orchestrate it to perfection. Let me
not give you a run down about the whole script of the film, but point out at
some poignant points it makes, which makes it a very socially relevant
film. In doing so, I know I would reveal
some parts of the story, but believe me, even if you have read it, you would
love to go and watch this film. It is
not a film, it is an experience.
- · “United We Stand, Divided We Fall”
This is the central message of the film. The film has 3 characters who are as diverse as chalk and cheese. One angry and brute, the other stupid and impulsive, the third calculative, the film takes you through a plethora of emotions (minus melodrama) to help you understand and empathize without forming opinions on each character.
- · “Teaching Could Be Beyond A Profession - A Passion”
- · “Sports Is As Important As Studies”
These 3 guys set up a Cricket training institute and also a cricket equipment shop where they sell cricketing gears. One parsi lady walks into their shop and she happens to be the principal of Kendriya Vidyalaya. She suggests that they come to her school and make a presentation to her and the trustees about the inculcation of sports education. They go. They make the presentation. But the trustees feel that bookish education is more important than sports education. Sushant loses his cool, but is logical in his debate. He convinces the trustees to offer them the job. They are given the assignment.
What an important point made! And so very poignantly.
Seriously, does anyone care how many marks Sachin Tendulkar scored in his tenth
grade?
One of the three friends gets money from his
politician uncle to sponsor the cricketing franchise. In return he expects his
nephew to join his political party. His nephew obliges. He gets engrossed in the election campaign
bit, and gets farther and farther from his friends. He loses his family in a religio-political
attack (Sabarmati Express massacre) and he is being told by his Uncle that he
needs to avenge the death of his folks in a Blood-For-Blood mode. His anger is
misdirected and he goes for the kill. Angry. Cold Blooded. In the end he ends
up killing someone who is very dear to him.
The film speaks about dealing with crises and how easy it is to get misdirected when you are under psychological depression or obligation. It leaves an indelible mark in your memory, without being preachy or activistic at any point. This character – Omi, could be anybody. Each one of us would identify with him, at some point of our lives.
O! I always thought that WOMAN ON TOP was an
Anurag Kashyap domain. Here Abhishek Kapoor offers him some stiff competition. The
scene where the woman (played by Amita Puri) takes charge of her sexual desires
and dares to make moves at her tutor by feeling up his skin is awe inspiring. There
are occasions when the guy is chicken when she is hot like a tandoor.
- · “Be Alert Against Political Indoctrination”
The film speaks about dealing with crises and how easy it is to get misdirected when you are under psychological depression or obligation. It leaves an indelible mark in your memory, without being preachy or activistic at any point. This character – Omi, could be anybody. Each one of us would identify with him, at some point of our lives.
- · “Yeah! Women Can Exercise Sexual Agency.”
In a country where the penis is seen as a hero and the vagina as something that needs to be whitened and tightened
for HIS pleasure. A woman, daring to exercise her pleasure and
exhibit her sexual needs, desires and fantasies is always revolutionary.
The film is set in Gujarat. And it is not a hidden fact that navratri is the mating season in Gujarat. I was not surprised to see Govind (Raj Kumar Yadav) in his peacocked attire getting cozy with Vidya (Amita) and finally copulating after playing Garbha with each other. (I really need to understand, how one copulates wearing such a difficult dress. It would take ages for one to remove the clothing) Later, Govind is stunned when Vidya tells him that she has missed her periods as he had used “Protection”. Later it she gets her chums.
Very interesting to see that Raj Kumar is shown
as a sexually shy guy in the beginning (he shies from reading FUN magazine whe,
representing an average Indian, who does not speak about sex or watch
pornography but does it nevertheless. With films like these, Dr. Watsa would be out
of his business. In a very subtle way, Koi Po Che tells the audience to use
protection in heterosexual sexepedes to avoid pregnancy. It also tells the
audience that the Sperm is not Casper to magically slip out of the walls of the
condom to swim through the vagina to the ovary to make a baby there. God, that’s too much effort for the sperms to
undertake.
- · “Babes, Pop The Cherry, But Bear No Seed”
The film is set in Gujarat. And it is not a hidden fact that navratri is the mating season in Gujarat. I was not surprised to see Govind (Raj Kumar Yadav) in his peacocked attire getting cozy with Vidya (Amita) and finally copulating after playing Garbha with each other. (I really need to understand, how one copulates wearing such a difficult dress. It would take ages for one to remove the clothing) Later, Govind is stunned when Vidya tells him that she has missed her periods as he had used “Protection”. Later it she gets her chums.
The film Kai Po Che, which sounds like POI PO
CHE which means IT IS GONE in tamil, is anything but that. This film is here to
stay in the annals of bollywood film history. Kai Po Che would be remembered. It
is a film with an unconventional title and a very conventional heart. At no
point is the film “preachy”, the characters flow in from one scene to the other
seamlessly. Kai Po Che is an interesting
collage of emotions that help in navigating the story. At no point did I feel
that there was a character that was a misfit. There were no item songs. There was no fanfare music. There is no LEAD
ACTOR. Every character is a lead
character. And there is no STAR. And
that possibly helps because, there are no unnecessary – over the top –
histrionic emotions where the camera focuses on the main leads face back and
forth just because the actor wants to add some more masala to his portfolio. The
good thing is that this film proves that a starless film can actually be a
star.
Chetan Bhagat’s stories evoke extreme emotions –
they are either loved-to-death or they are hated-as-hell… but films inspired by
his book are always a blockbuster (Yes
yes, I know HELLO! Was a HELL NO! but let’s ignore that one film). I have not read the book, I am not much a book
reader, but I should say that the screenplay was wonderful.
There were no words like “HINDU” or “MUSLIM”
used in the film prominently. It was just THIS GROUP and THAT GROUP. There are
no fancy abuses. The music is simply to suit the mood of the film. There is no
item number. There is no camera zooming in and zooming out unnecessarily. This
film doesn’t try being an entertainer, and it leaves you entertained. If there
is something that is truly bollywood in the film – it is the climax. That’s the
point you will jump on your seats and say “I knew it”… “I knew it”.
If you are planning to watch this film. Don’t plan,
GO WATCH IT. Watch it for Sushant, Raj Kumar Yadav, Amit Sadh and Amrita Puri –
They are FAB. They are fab because they don’t overplay their character to gain
brownie points despite the fact that this is their big ticket film. Watch it for Abhishek Kapoor, who has made a
film from his heart. Watch it for the story that leaves a mark on you. Watch it
because you wish to support cinema without big names to back it. I am not saying that this is the best film
made on earth. But I am definitely saying that this film is an experience, you
should have at least once.
And more over, watch this film, because this is
a film that speaks about 3 main Indian religions– Hindu, Muslim and Cricket.
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