Wednesday, April 16, 2008

(AHAM Part # 05) Completed 29 Years Of Love

life for me has been a lovely journey. though i have had bitter experiences in my life, I am happy to see how its shaped up. today, i have turned 29. 29 years back in an army hospital in calcutta i was born. the doctor looked at my long fingers and told my mother "oh! your son is going to be famous, he is going to be an artist or a doctor". the person nect to my mother's bed looked at me and said "how come your son is so crooked, he looks completely disfigured". ewww! what a nasty thing to tell some one who has delivered for the first time. but i guess that was the truth, i was long, ugly, fair and my neck was protruding in a different direction, in complete dissonance with the rest of my body. i looked like a hawk. really. lol!
but then, from ugly duckling i metamorphosed to a swan. i just cant believe that i looked so cute. it clearly made a fantastic before/after picture. i was everyone's arm candy, born in a joint family, i had 3 mothers, and anyways i was a real low cost, easy maintainance long chubby baby. i never liked teh company of men those days. but didnt mind their company i was silent and soft spoken(may be that attracted the perverted assole as well)
i cant believe that i have traveleld so far, i have experienced extremes, crests and troughs are a part of life, and we have to choose to be happy and composed as no phase would be forever. every phase shall phase out, sooner or later. we cant let a nihilistic delusion creep in our lives. i can well imagine that if i let things affect me, id have been a nobody in my eyes. we all need positive affirmations. and even in the most trying times of my life, i never let the bouts of negativity to envelope me for long.
i believe that theres always an inner self to every one. our lives are governed by the voices that speak to us and only us: our inner voices. it can make you a devil or an angel. and when you gain expertise to train them as per your will. you are a maverick. i believe that everyone is entitled to an opinion. everyone has the right to think uniquely. and think he is right. i am a staunch veggie who adores animals and so doesn't eat them. but most of my pals think differently. and the first guy i fell in love with. thinks diametrically opposite. he lived on meat and flesh, i loved mutter and aalu. he loved english music, i loved hindi. he loved parties, i loved the curtains at home. i loved him, he didn't love me. we were so different. lol.
but yes, we spoke for hours and hours and hours on the phone. we behaved as if we were inseparable love birds. just that we weren't never said the golden words "i love you". i took it for granted. and something that i never thought would happen, happened. he is a bundle of joy, a sweetheart, and though, i disagree with him in many points, i respect him for giving me what i had never experienced... "getting lost in someones thoughts so so deeply" . if he reads this post. id want him to know. that i might differ in views, but would love him wholly and in full measure. he is someone who wouldn't like being my object of affection. but the heart of the matter is that, no one has control on the matters of the heart. there have been instances when i have thought that he was inhumane and ruthless. but there have also been moments where he has enveloped me with his thoughts and prolific views. love and hate are two very strong feelings. i don't feel that easily for any. and if i feel so, the feeling lingers for ever. just that the dimensions of the relationship change often.
now i don't speak to him that often. and he doesn't remember me well. but theres something that i can surely tell.
id never wish ill for you.
for you have been one of the best parts of my life.
but now i am waiting for a broken star to bring someone who will prove it over and over again. lol.
picture abhi baaki hai dost.

9 comments:

manorath said...

hmm.. life seems so fast in transformin us.. a deformed baby!! but in an aesthetic way!! well.. negativity does pop in and refuses to burst off soon as the bumps we acquire whn we hit the rock bottom keeps accumulatin, leadin to a prolonged shut down.. the last line "Incomplete.. will add up" drives me to mouth a cliched philosophy.. pls bear with me, "Life never becomes saturated, for this is what is the quest of many"

and, i found a pet dog abandoned in my college, now limping, starving, broken, hopeless, seeking somethin beyond our imagination in the eyes of the passersby, tired.. least it would ve guessed it would end up at the mercy of total strangers whn what it would ve seen was love frm its master..

do visit my blogs..

Rajeev Nair said...

ahhh seen ur old baby pics on orkut...ugly duckling ??....I dont think so....anyways u hav grown cuter over the agez...hope 2 see u getting cuter for the ages to come...

Piyush U. said...

life is a quicky! cant do much abt it... but yes and the end of the day u know it was a cute bitch wid a itchin bum.... lol

manorath said...

and on the first crush thing... love leads to confusions which actually make us feel like we are clear.. it very often takes us on a roller coster ride but pushing off at the right time, shatterin us and ruining us.. i wish u all the best for ur love life!!

tunafish said...

well... when i was born, I resembled a "lauki" (I have no clue what it is called in english), later an ugly alien, then a cute baby. I guess all babies when they are born are ugly (maybe an immediate jolt for the parents...oh god! how could i produce something like this;))

coming to love... I rather go after what Mr. Oscar Wilde said anyday (he incidently was also a gay)... "There are two kinds of tragedies in life - one is not to get what you wanted, and the other is to get it"

*Aham* said...

thanks for your reaction tuna... that was very sweet. :)

Pinku said...

Aham,

I just read through all your posts starting from Victim...to survivor...to disclosing to mom, to falling in love for the first time to the present one.

just had to say you are one brave soul with a golden heart...keep it that way.

Vishva said...

just want to say this...........

I cried for a pair of shoes, until i saw a man with no feet.

Prats said...

Nicely conveyed post...

I like this post for its tone more than anything else..

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