Thursday, June 26, 2008

Mused! How Can Someone Be Bored Of Life?

this is something that i have heard from my one time neighbor jaya aunty when she was counseling me when i was down and questioned the very reason for my existence, guess it is from some management book .

if you are little imaginative like me, then you will have to spend at least a minute on each of these lines to actually understand what it means.

here it goes!
... there is something that you know that you know ... there is something that you know that you don't know ... there is something that you don't know that you know ...but there is so much that you don't know that you don't know.

isn't this the fact of life. we think, we dream about dreamable, thinkable things, but there is so much that we never imagine. such is life. and such is the unbounded quest.

we all need to go through the mêlée of life, some emerge victorious, some succumb to it and refuse to see beyond.

i read that some chokras have attempted suicide due to failure in tenth standard exams. how stupid are the parents, a memory exam, a god damn memory exam it is, it cant be so important. how could the parents pressurize their children so much that they decide to die, rather than face them.

i believe that a person who cannot accept defeat gracefully, cant win either. i take pride in all my defeats. i failed in my twelfth class, failed in my bsc first year. i ended up taking 7 years to complete my junior and senior college studies. but i count them as the best years of my life. had i not failed for those two years, i wouldn't have been able to come this far. sometimes, life takes you to places you never knew existed. and though miffed and scared at the first instance, if you let the ambiance penetrate your mind and impregnate you with the goodness that it is bestowed with.... soon, you will see the 'a' and 'c' of s'ca'red change places, and this will become one of the most s'ac'red experiences of your life.

but nevertheless, one has to dare. dare to believe that there is an other world which you have not dreamt of. a world full of happiness and smiles beckons you. but are you willing to see what lies in store with an open mind.

everything happens for the good, even the bad, happens for the good. i was raped at 7. i did try ending my life. but now, years later, i am not upset. i am in fact thankful. thankful to god for having given me the courage to stand strong through the ordeal and beyond. over the years i have seen so many people, so many people who are still confused about their sexuality, many who still cant face the world with confidence. as compared to that, i have a gush of affirmations flowing through my veins and am certain that good things will happen to me. had i not been raped at that age, i wouldn't have got the energy to rise like a phoenix and emerge a winner in my own eyes. i might phonate self pride and ahamkaar, which i believe is necessary for every human, but in the right proportions. secondly, this incident and the many humiliations i faced thereafter made me understand the mind of the inflicted, the one who gets in it, alone knows how to get out of it. all others who have not experienced it but advocate things, are just trying to empathize, but most of theirs are just theories. im glad, i was raped, i know the pain, and i wish to use my experience constructively to help others.

"ohh! thats a publicity stunt." thats what i have heard from some fucking myopic people often, who cant look at the larger picture. do you guys really think that someone would like to do a propaganda about an act as gory as child sex abuse and speaking about it can give someone pleasure. okie for all you wretched souls, i am willing to believe that i am speaking about this often, because i like to bask in the glory of being a survivor of the gory incidences. but even in that case, whats important is that "it is helping people". other survivors find a confidant in me. there are many who confess about similar incidences in their life. and they do so, because of "the sailing in the same boat" effect.

in short, life is beautiful. and also the bad could be converted to the good. isn't life a paradox. i believe it is. what about you.



Kris Bass said...

Harish, believe it or not, I was also fondled/abused by my paternal uncle when I was around 6 years of age. In my case it was just a fondling of my penis.

I'm sorry for what has happened. But I think all such happenings do strengthen you to face the future.

SMM said...

Hey I am. I am inspired by you. It takes alot of guts to put something like that behind you and move ahead. All I can say is 'WOW'

PS: Added you to my blogroll

Kush said...

Hello Aham. This time round your post is engaging for different reasons. The first time I read it, I wasn't very keen to react. The second time I read it, I tried putting myself in your shoes and boy! the emotions seemed so real.

I think one thing is most evident at the heart of this discussion: and that is it's really very important to share our life stories with the rest so that other's who have gone through similar or worse experiences don't feel at a loss or think that they are alone.

Kudos to you for your courage and your ability to pen some of your deepest emotions. But I do not quite agree with you when you say "the one who gets in it, alone knows how to get out of it (...)all others who have not experienced it but advocate things, are just trying to empathize".

Aham, the way I see it is that empathy is central to any positive social bonding. Without empathy I cannot fathom the survival of any social setting. After all, when people voice and parade "alternate sexuality", aren't they asking the otherwise "straight" world to be empathetic towards one and all? The point of the matter is that one needn't live through tragic situations to develop a better understanding of them.

Empathy and NOT sympathy is truly all that is required for us to be respectful of each other. Reducing it to "just" as you put it, is unfair in my opinion.

What do you say?

Ahem! said...


Just stumbled upon your blog!Urs is one of the few meaningful blogs I have come across!

Thought of sending you an offliner from Gtlak but it had some problem so ended up adding you instead!


*Aham* said...

Dear Kush,

I agree with you, I was being too vociferous with my views. This was one of those lull dull moments that silences you for a while and then vehemence takes over. My choice of words were wrong, I shouldn’t have written so.

Thanks for correcting me and please do not hesitate to let me know that I have wronged. I really appreciate that. I, (limply) still believe that empathy can help you put yourself in someones shoes upto a level, but what is experienced by a person, is truly personal…

yes kush, I have been unjust with the use of the word “just”.

Please do feel free to let me know if you believe that I am out-of-kilter. I look forward to your reactions to my post, earnestly.

Thanks khush, I guess id not edit the post, as I’d want to be reminded of what I shouldn’t be doing.

In Joy :-)

Kush said...

Hey Aham,

Not at all. Please don't be apologetic about the way you expressed your views. My disagreements were simply to confirm if at certain instances what you wrote was exactly how you felt? Or was there a disconnect? Or better still if you were keen to extend this conversation, which I believe you were.

After all, what is a dialogue without a healthy exchange of views. At the end of the day, we should all be debating our differences and perspectives. So cheers to that spirit and the never say die attitude.

Its been great interacting with you through your postings. Cheers!

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