I met the beautifullest bride. Eyes twinkle, skin sparkle, hands soft and heart pounding. She was pink in pink, poised yet unvoiced When I met the shining she at the august occasion of her pre marriage sangeet function. … her eyes grew, her captive thoughts flew and her arms were thrown wide open. It was the truest cuddle I have ever had from her. Rather she was true always; I was too reticent and self-absorbed to counter-react with the same intensity. Within days she was to be married in. She was happy, in fact - very happy, but there was a splash of thought that lingered in her mind. She was ingoing life anew… A new family, new commitments, new behavioral etiquettes, there was much she was getting into, though I knew she would orchestrate it well. But still what mattered to me was the loud noise that was rumbling within her. There are few people whom I can relate with very well. Might sound a little hackneyed and corny, but something that I have endowed with is an ability to feel not for people… but to get into their aura and psyche to feel "like" they do. Every time I saw sheetal look towards me… I could see her happiness and could hear and feel her inner voice just as I did her inner void.
I am close to her. Too close in fact. And I am experiencing one of the happiest moments of my life with the happy her. How many times have I closed my eyes and seen her in the arms of someone whom she loved, completely, totally and satisfyingly! Now it was a dream fructifying moment for me. I was feeling like the bride. It was my best friend's wedding. Whoopee! My best friend’s wedding. She is no Julia Roberts. Alas! she is louder and far more annoying than any Julia Poolia… She is over-the-top most times, she lives in a dreams and believes in fables… she is habitually late for every occasion, seldom ‘un’dramatic she could spin-a-yarn at the drop of the hat, she wouldn't think of who's watching when she has to say something, she would call at demonic hours when you have just slipped into your shorts and ask you “kidhar hai?... mereko abhi mil! “…she just doesn't and wouldn’t adjust, she wouldn't listen and has a legitimate justification for every vexation …
Yet she is special. She is mine. ‘My’ friend. She is. And will be. I have never been so close physically and emotionally to any friend ever. We always met with a hug. We never thought and think twice before telling anything to each other. We could spend hours listening to our silence. So serene. So supreme. So quiet yet so flamboyant… so sensual yet so surreal and platonic. I know of my world because of her. She has been my anchor. And today she has another ship to dock. I hope she continues to be what she is. I understand that our equations would have to mature. But who bothers about the equation when the end result is = love.
If it was not for her I would have been languishing in one corner as a shy recluse. I remember how she came to the gay Bombay party with me and bonded with my acquaintances and made people at the party simper with wonderment “look look the girl is more comfy than the guy’… she is someone whom you could call at 2 in the night and tell her your woes and she would listen to your affliction without battering an eyelid. She is someone whom you can hug and cry and expect to be loved even at your worst times. You wouldn’t even realize when your tears mingle with hers and your fears go absconding.
I remember the first time we met, as jury and participant when she won a prize for the mam movies Genesis Film Festival. I never did imagine that we would be so so close. her classmate Aalap says, relationships don’t shit matter as long as love prevails. It would be incorrect to slot her as a friend or family,, she is bright and radiant and assumes many roles in my life. She has been an older sister, she has been a young and naughty bitchy young sister, she has been a lovely (sometimes, annoying sometimes) friend, more than that she has been a mother to me on many occasions. And now, I have a married mother.
My life is going askew, im very happy for her. but I have to deal wityh the fact that she is someones wife first, and then my friend. She is someone who has been with me all the while, every time I saw the blues and took refuge in camouflage, she understood and saw me through it. Today she is a married woman. The result would be the same, but our equations would change. “How could I share my best friend with anybody?” the child in me surfaces. Some people find me mature, but the child in me is still stunned and teary there is a streak of loneliness that I was never exposed to before that I am feeling now. happy I am. Don’t mistake me. but im feeling too lonely. I love her immensely you see. And I never said that to her. never ever. Even her testimonial on orkut… I am yet to write.
You know, I wish to adopt kids. And I wish they grow up with K and her children. Selfishly speaking, I cant deprive my child of touching and feeling what a mother is. There is no substitute for mother. And there wouldn’t be a better mother than sheetal. And a better sweet hearted parent than her hubby.
I have some great friends, samier , gunjan, Rekha whom I could call anytime to cry… or even shoot a mail to de and get an instant reply… but the comfort of touch and the control of all my 5 senses was always with you.
I love you sheetal. Immensely! Muaaaah! Wish you a happy married life and lots of kids… I am gay. I am now, not ashamed of myself for being one because of you sheetal. It was you who thought that I deserve to dream again. It was you who understood my deepest fears. It was you who gave me solace when I was doomed. I left my life of pain behind because of you. It was from whom I learnt “ there is no way to happiness, happiness is the only way”
Love you. Miss you! Call me sometimes. Or pick up my calls at least. Puhleej Meri Maa.