Friday, August 21, 2009

Shah Rukh never rukhs

An odd name. An ugly face. Voice minus intonation and highly stammered. Television boy. Short stature. Godfatherless - He could well be dismissed as one of the many people who come to Bombay from all parts of the world with a belief that they will transverse their way to the top. Bollywood is a dream not for the faint hearted. It is easy to realize though for those with conviction, and élan. From the boy who looked so plain and frail in a television serial called fauji, to a little circus manager role in Circus, to his first break in Deewana opposite Divya Bharati and Rishi Kapoor. He moved swiftly, and walked past all controversies that kept others lured. He is someone with such a steadfast focus and energy nonpareil. All was not very hunky-dory with his career; he has his usual bout of crazy hiccups in bollywood and allegations behind the curtains about his alleged love affairs and constant speculation about his sexuality. Much that no one knows till date the true picture. There are theories of course. With lots of mirch masala in it. There was this allegation that he has been through casting couch. But he wasn’t forced to do anything he himself agreed to it. Then there were rumour mills whistling about something cooking between him and Divya Bharati but the most infamous was some sections of the media speaking about him and Juhi Chawla. I have some friends who tell me that her kids look like him. For a commoner, every star is slutty. Some might be true, some might be false. But we would not stop our habit of being judgmental about them. And are they complaining? No! that keeps them on the top and on every lip. So be it unsaid words about his alleged bisexuality with Gauri and Karan, or his fallout with Aditya Chopra and Amitabh Bachchan … things would be well kept in a sealed envelope.

I still remember the brashness and arrogance in him when he walked up the stage for his first filmfare for deewana.. and he very brazenly declared “I will be back for more”. That was the killer confidence he had in himself. He was so focused. And knew that success was coming his way. He paved his own path, and was the architect of his own dreams. Most importantly, he believed very strongly on his dreams. It was hard to imagine that this was the same guy who is now at the tusauds wax museum who bared his butt in Maya Memsaheb.

pardon the graphic language in the video. Body double?? dont think so.

Anyone else could have got branded as an Arty film actor after a film like that and that kind of haklata hua speech. But speak to Shahrukh now, you would see no traces of his stammer. No, I am not a big fan of his.but am a lover of his energy and sensible PR management.

Does every film of Shahrukh rule the box office? No. It doesn’t. he has given some very horrible duds in the history of Bollywood. (remember Guddu?, trimurti??o darling yeh hai india???) And there are some films of his like the RabNe Bana Di Jodi which weren’t run away successes. As a producer, he has been extremely unlucky. He started with Ashoka.. and several flops like one two ka four, phir bhi dil hai Hindustani.. that he finally decided to call off his very on-the-face alliance with juhi chawla and switched to Farah Khan… life has been a song for him ever since. So will it be with his tryst with sports. A thing that I love about him is that he never fails to try, and he never shies of failure… and he learns from his failures to perfect his art, be it advertising, films, or sports.

I was thinking that Shah Rukh is suddenly out of news and that we have nothing to speak about him. And Bang, came in the controversy as he was detained in the Newark airport for questioning due to his last name. Racial profiling??? Naa. I don’t think so. Incidentally, his next flick with KJo and KJol – My Name Is Khan is on floors. What perfect timing for controversy.

I dont find him to be a class actor, but my view doesnt matter in teh chorus cheer for him.

If it was not the film My Name Is Khan... this would have not been in news at all. Shahrukh is a religion by himself. What racial profiling of a man. The man who is a race apart!

Thursday, August 20, 2009

Tagged Me!

  1. What time did you get up this morning?
    7 am

  2. How do you like your steak?
    My steak?? Ishh that is such a vulgar thing to reveal

  3. What was the last film you saw at the cinema?
    Love aaj kal

  4. What is your favorite TV show?
    I loved "kyun ki saas bhi kabhi bahu thi". Seriously. It had a good balance of both sati savitry and slutty savitri. After kyunki, im in deep mourning

  5. If you could live anywhere in the world where would it be?
    Bombay, India.

  6. What did you have for breakfast?
    I don't have breakfast. Vrat hai, acha BF ke liye.

  7. What is your favourite cuisine?
    Pav Bhaji : The perfect orgy of vegetables.

  8. What foods do you dislike?
    NON VEG.

  9. Favourite Place to Eat?

    Any clean place.

  10. What kind of vehicle do you drive?
    Vehicle??? No, I am a train/bus person. It's environment friendly and it helps me connect with my city.

  11. What are your favorite clothes?
    eeny meeny shorts and topless (shut up – don't fantasize now)

  12. Where would you visit if you had the chance?
    Germany. Im deeply influenced by Schindler's list.

  13. Cup 1/2 empty or 1/2 full?
    Either, just ensure the cup is double its size.

  14. Where would you want to retire?
    id be working on something or the other all my life. No retirement.

  15. Favorite time of day?

  16. Where were you born?
    Army Hospital, Barrackpore contentment, Near Calcutta, West Bengal.

  17. What is your favorite sport to watch?
    I am a voyour. But you'd def not want to know the sport I love watching… do you?

  18. Who do you think will not tag you back?

  19. Person you expect to tag you back first?

  20. Who are you most curious about their responses to this?

  21. Bird watcher?
    Ohh yes.

  22. Are you a morning person or a night person?
    im a raat rani

  23. Do you have any pets?
    my girl… lisa.

  24. Any new and exciting news you'd like to share?
    im SINGLE. (And newly virgin, lol)

  25. What did you want to be when you were little?
    An actor always. Also wanted to do my Doctorate in Maths.

  26. What is your best childhood memory?

    So many...

  27. Are you a cat or dog person?
    Cat person.

  28. Are you married?
    Not legal yet. And not found yet. Please apply.

  29. Always wear your seat belt?

    I prefer the back seat.

  30. Been in a car accident?
    yes car accident. The best bus came and kissed our car. And went off casually as if nothing happened.

  31. Any pet peeves?
    i want to go to Germany

  32. Favourite Pizza Toppings?
    Paneer, Chilly.

  33. Favourite Flower?
    Any flower in a pot. I *hate* bouquets

  34. Favourite ice cream?
    Butterscotch !!!

  35. Favourite fast food restaurant?
    Classique in Matunga, Bombay

  36. How many times did you fail your driver's test?
    I've never tried or fancied trying.

  37. From whom did you get your last email?
    Srushti Rao

  38. Which store would you choose to max out your credit card?
    No store, films films and films. I just need films… and DVDs etc. I can live on films

  39. Do anything spontaneous lately?
    Lately? Im always bloody spontaneous. And often land with my foot in mouth because of that.

  40. Happy with your job?
    Im happy. But keeping with my tradition of multitasking, id want to venture into features writing /column or so parallel with my job.

  41. Broccoli?

  42. What was your favorite vacation?
    fav vacation.. I enjoy staying home. With my DVDs.

  43. Last person you went out to dinner with?
    Varun Kumar.

  44. What are you listening to right now?
    Quick Gun Murugan

  45. What is your favorite color?

  46. How many tattoos do you have?
    None. Don't like them.

  47. How many are you tagging for this quiz?
    no one. If you love me. Tag yourself.

  48. In What time did you finish this quiz?
    10 mins or so.

  49. Coffee Drinker?
    filter kaapi.

Ooops missed one… I guess! I can never do something without a small error. Huhhh!

But who cares. chand mein bhi daag hai.. wahwah wah wah . J

Thursday, August 13, 2009

Living With The Virus

No, not what you are thinking. Sorry, to disappoint all you patrakaar dostlog, I am not hitting headlines as someone who is SwineFlu affected and at large.

One of my online friends has tested positive for HIV. I just met him on Tuesday for the first time. And I am the only one who knows of his HIV status. He was crying. I heard him out and let him cry. He had contracted the virus from someone when he just for once had tried to experiment with a bare back with one of his fling sexual relations. I wondered for quite some time why he had chosen to tell me of all people.. and asked him too. Guess there was some inner voice that told him that I will not judge or discriminate against him. I comforted him and told him that the virus is not as deadly as it used to be and that there are retroviral drugs that will build immunity. I suggested that he does the advanced PCR test that is the sure indicator of the virus. Though I did know of what he had told me and the tests that he had done and weight loss... etc that he could well be HIV positive. I dint want to sympathize with him or add to the tears and fears that already lurk him. I told him, "make the virus your friend" and it will live in you without troubling you, just as the many thousand microorganisms in your body." He was scared and thought there would be certain death that he will face soon, and worried about his mother and father who were dependent on him. I just replied lightening the mood "what a tragedy it would be if you wasted time dreaming about a death due to HIV and you die because of a car accident or swine flu"... he moved his eyelids emoting a mild laughter. I added "you will die when you have to die, you have no choice of death... but you do have a choice to live the life according to your terms... maybe you dint look at your life so closely, now this is just a chance for you to do what you haven't done, to see what you haven't seen" . He then mentioned that he was thinking of being a priest or a monk... I quickly told him, now that he has to be careful about sex, he needn't turn a monk. He smiled. He asked me about Sex, he clarified that he was bisexual and dreamt of a wife and kids some day... he again went into a low saying something that I guess he felt he had sinned. I smiled and replied "making love is no sin. Making love without condom is Sin. I told him with technology, sins get redefined. Like now... Plastic usage is a sin. But using plastic or latex condoms is not. Gods never had condoms then, else they wouldn't have called it a sin. I added with my usual funny bone.

He was jumping from one issue to the other, he asked me about having sex... will he never get to have sex. I told him. He could have sex still. Just he has to ensure that his partner is also HIV positive. He will then have nothing to worry about. He asked me about being a father, a thought that harbored in his mind for long. I advised him against it strongly. I shared with him information about what the virus does, what are the tests… The difference between HIV and AIDS. And how he should be careful about a few simple things.

He took another sip of the Cafe Coffee Day ka coffee and was lost in his thoughts, and after a few moments of silence... He asked "how do you know so much , are you also HIV positive ? " I told him I am people positive, and humanity positive, and every demon and human is my friend… be It HIV or you who has a big heart to co-exist with the mighty virus.. "I smiled, he smiled... and then i told him... that I have also tested myself for the virus, and have been in the same fear that he harbors. Just that I had never practiced unsafe sex with choice. I added that I tested HIV negative.

Anticipating he could add "how can you know how it feels when you have not been through exactly the same..." I asked "How do you feel when you need to pee very urgently, where do you feel pain... " he said "testis".. I replied "Kidney". I elucidated pain is relative, we feel at different places, we feel different emotions to the same thing. I can't feel for you, or like you, I can only think and perceive how you feel. I can't actually feel, how you feel. " "but" I added, i can definitely say, that you can be either a loser of your today, and live a life thinking of your past, and dreaming about a future or you could be a winner and win this moment that you are in.. Now. " I told him that he can live his life on his terms, just that he needs to be a little careful. He needs to live to the fullest; I said... and create moments worth dying for. He reflected in the glory of joy when hen I told him "Main Khud Ka Favorite Hu... kareena jaise" ... I tomtomed "Jyaada Naatak Math kar Saale, mere paas bhi hai, "sad story of past" share karne ke liye... but mera past toh past mein hai.. Present mein main bahut khush hu."

He laughed. And he paid the bill, while i acted as if i am looking for my wallet (ishhhh.... not serious). We moved out and he maintained a clear distance between us. I told him "Saale galle Mil… " looking at the big question mark in his face I said " Shabana Azmi ne kya kahaa bhool gaya kya? " - "Choone se yeh nahi failtha, is tarah sirf pyaar failtha hai. Hai Na? "

I bid him good bye, sat in the train, and took a deep breath. Huff! "It wasn't easy. Not easy at all" I said to myself… the next thing I did was called him up and sought his permission to share our tête-à-tête for I believe sharing is caring. He said yes, so here it is.

P.S. I am not a counsellor. He needs professional counselling. and for phukatt. If any one knows anyone. Please contact me at +91 9833100340 or

P.P.S. i had given a wrong advice that "it is okay to have sex with an HIV positive person when you are also HIV positive. I almost have forgotten the molecular biology of my MSC class. There are different strains of HIV and one SHOULD ABSTAIN from sex. I was corrected by Baishakh Mishra and Seema Muralidhara. Thank you so much. :)

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

Abhimanyu - Reeling The Real

A post that appeared on , thanks to Keyrun Rao (Magik)

Harish Iyer, who was the trigger point, for Abhimanyu, sends in his post on the movie Abhimanyu and invites investors to invest in the film.

Abhimanyu PosterThere came a child with night in his eyes and dew in his voice… The sly twinkle was hard to miss. As I looked at him, he appeared unnerved. So unnerved, that I wondered why. When my eyes met his, he face shrunk in shame. It was then that I made a conniving rush to the corner and checked my wallet for I presumed I had been robbed by him. I named the look in his eyes “guilt”. I wondered if this child was up to something. My mind was clouded with the smog of suspicion. The feeling was something uncomfortable. That something left an indelible mark in my mind. Years passed, I never met the child again.

Some 20 odd years later, I got a forward email about this boy who as a child had braved sex abuse and that this story served as a trigger for the making of a film on the cause. In curiosity I googled the boy and found his facebook profile. I went through his pics and was aghast to see, that this was the same boy who had intrigued me and lived with me for so many years in thought.

The child is me. And the “I“is the world. The “I“ here is an account of the many people that I have encountered in life, who were presumptuous but never ever verified with me about the villainy of my stillness… only to meet me decades later to brazenly declare that they missed or misconstrued the twinkle of my eyes then. Many offered worthless sympathies, and many showered advices. None of any constructive help. I dealt with my inner voice positively and singly, and dealt with complexes of being abused for 11 long years by a man. My sexuality was shattered. I ambled on a path unknown, but did in the end reach my true finding. My true finding of sexuality. I realized I am gay, and today am happy and gay. And that contrary to what the world may again presume, it had nothing to do with my history of abuse.

Since I understand the language of silence, I chose to speak up sometimes too often, sometimes too very shamelessly for the cause. And realized that there were many, many who lived in the closet. Call it the “sailing in the same boat” syndrome. There were many who let off their well-kept secrets and thereby set free the lump in their heart.

read the complete article here

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