Thursday, June 17, 2010

Truth is the stranger, not fiction.

My article published in the eZine – Pink Pages read it here :

He was handsome. Nice. Good looking. He flaunted his dimple, looked rich. He was appeasing and pleasing; he left my hormones bumping and heart pumping. I met him at the loo. A public loo. A place not so sacrosanct for meeting someone for the first time, I know. I found him handsome, and his eyes said that the feeling was mutual. Time was fleeting, every second seemed an hour. I wanted my body to collide with his. Feel his lips with mine. But I had no time. I had my mother waiting for me home. And before I could make the move and give him "those" looks… my ringtone broke the monotony. It was my mom; she was screeching "dinner is set, where the hell you are". I softly replied "on my way", she hanged the phone and my fate hanged in misbalance of thoughts. My mind was back in the drain. It was a feeling insane. And before I could gather all my thoughts, he moved behind the urinal and flashed his willy. I got scared, my face charred, and my fright was on my face bare. I rushed out of the unholy place. I was horny, but I wasn't willing to "do it" with a stranger. An absolute stranger.
He followed me. I got into a different building to deceive him. After around 5 minutes I got down the strange building and headed home. And yippee, finally I breathe a sigh of relief, now that the drama has ended. I joyously hip-hopped to my home, played with my dog. I stood at my balcony to feel the wind. And aghast I was. He stood there, smiling and winking at me. I wasn't out-n-about then. I was scared now that I was busted. He stood there giving me signals for a while and later vanished into the oblivion.
Days passed, I never saw him again. Eons later, I again went to the same loo with no other intention other than emptying my bladder. As I was about to leave, I found the same stranger. This time, he had a smile that said much more than what it did before. I was also not that petrified. He followed me out and as I walked briskly, he walked beside me. I tried ignoring him, as his hands collided with mine while walking. Suddenly, he firmly held my hand. I looked at him with a smirk. He asked- "jagaah hai mere paas, paas mein hi hai" (I have place, it is close by) I replied "abhi nahi" (not now). He insisted and I kept refusing. Suddenly, he pulled my hand and took me to the water tank of a building. As we reached there, he unzipped and popped out his penis and asked me to blow him. I tried running away. He requested me to hold his penis. I obliged. And hell broke as I touched his penis. He slapped me real hard. He screamt "saala Matherc!@d, Gud… mooh mein lega, har!@mi. police ko bataoo kyaa?" (Mother fuc@#$, faggot, U will blow??, bastar!, should I report to the police). I was petrified. And as I was speaking to him, there were a policeman passed by giving at the stranger the "I know you" look. The stranger still had his penis visible. Though his backside was facing the policeman. The stranger slapped me multiple times, and demanded a blow. I was scared. He scanned my wallet and took even the change I had. Luckily, I wasn't wearing my gold chain or though I lost my watch. After money and pleasure, he left me. I ran home and told mom that I was robbed. Ofcourse, I was too scared and too much in the closet to tell her the gory details. My father launched a police complaint. But as expected nothing happened. I was scared to travel alone for a long long time. I changed my route, and my mode of transport. It took me many many years to wake up
Later, many years later, I heard several similar stories from my friends. Many with gory outcomes. Newspapers in Mumbai had reported the murder of a BARC scientist, and though not proven, they suspected gay extortion to be a reason. Similarly there has been a similar case in lokhandwala, Mumbai that I have heard of. And many many such incidences have happened with my gay friends. They have been mugged and molested, but what's most scary is the fact that this incidence has silenced their confidence and they now trust no body. One of them, was deep in the closet, and contemplated suicide. It took several discussions and meetings with other gay men to actually get him to regain his feet.
It is important to be cautious, at 30ish now; it'd be blatant white lie if I'd say that I have not had flings. But anytime that I am out on an aphrodisiacal expedition, I ensure that at least one friend of mine is in the know of my whereabouts. And of course, I don't carry much cash, no credit/debit cards and no costly ornaments.
It is important, so that we are a strong community with many friends so that we can fall back on someone or the other for help. And yeah, it is important that we speak up and if we can, report such cases.
And Now, A Film On This Issue
A positive step forward, is a film that's coming up. Onir's film "I AM" is an ensemble of 4 stories knitted together with the common thread of fear. Of these 4 stories, "I AM OMAR" uncovers the nexus between the police and male commercial sex workers. Played by the talented Arjun Mathur and Rahul Bose, this film should be added to your must-watch list. The latest update from Onir is that "I AM" would be releasing sometime in the month of July-August 2010. 

You wish to do something about this issue, silently? well, you could also be a part of this film which truly intends to make a difference. I AM is a crowd-sourced film. Onir invites you to "co-own" the film by contributing as less as Rs. 1000. The film already has some 400 co owners and producers spread across countries and continents. Details of the same could be sought at

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

Rajneeti - an orgasm gone awry

this is adults only. Dont read. if you are below 18. Or if you are one of those who cant take things in a lighter vein and are quick to judge... Dont read further. 

Dildo bachha hai ji. 
(my title for a tribute to the national award winning arjun ramphal)

this film speaks volumes about petty men and pretty women. o! before i do cheer-faad of the story and rape it completely. let me get you introduced to the star cast.

  • smooch kumari (aka kunti.. played by someone)

  • slug (smooch's hubby)

  • dukhi raja (smoochy's papa)

  • chaggan naath (nanapatekar the man behind all the shadyantra, he is smoochy's brother... why chaggannaath?? you need to complete the sentence – apna haath.... and rhyme the word )

  • gochu (played by naseer)

  • dildo – (arjun rampal – son of slug and smooch. what character of mahabharat does he play??)

  • just one shot - ( younger bro of dildo. – played by current maal-gaadi ranbir – he just has one sex scene in the film – thats his power – just one shot)

  • ipill ( dukhi's another grand son, dildo and just-one-shot's cousin. he is called ipill because, he is useless )

  • slutty savi3 (a sex bimbo.. .god knows her name????)

  • dohpati (katrina almost has 2 pati's so how can she be called "panchaali")

  • choosela aam (aka karan played by ajay devgan oops.... devgn it should be. he looks like a choosela aam)

  • sexy soozie (some chikni chokri from italy)

the film begins on a high note there is commotion, drama and a hazaar people at an election rally. some silly political party is screeching on the microphone. it is a campaign for promoting dukhi raja. gochu (naseer) belongs to some dalit party and he raises many brows when he openly protests and takes on the stage. as he speaks the microphone is switched off. but his determination is bang on. he manages to scare away the political party ka big boss – dukhi raja.

gochu has already won the heart of dukhi raja's daughter- smooch kumari. one day, smooch kumari enters greying gochu's hamlet, and starts playing with the droplets of rain. a worried gochu hurriedly pulls her hand as he doesn't like her wet. she might catch cold you see. as his body touches hers, her heart goes bumping and her hormones pumping. she catches the oldie gochus head and pulls his lips close to hers. her lips touch his, his tongue goes in. and they do the sin. morning morning whilst she lay on the bed, sleeping nangi , gochu writes a letter in which he says that he is sorry for all that happened... he just flowed with his jasbaat and all that crap. the dukhi putri is upset. and guess what, she forgot to pop a pill. (that often happens when it is the maamla of the dil). she is preggy. and within seconds, her tummy develops, and she squeals of labour pain. and comes out the baby – the rightful yuvraj of dukhi raja. but suddenly, smooch kumari's brother chaggannath comes in the frame, takes the baby and drops it in a basket, wrapped in a red stroll> the merciless man sets the basket out in the river. the child reaches a poor family. (does it ring a bell.. aiyyo aiyyo aiyoo)

now, years later, the film shows smooch kumari married with another man. (now he isn't important enough to mention, lets call him "slug" ) okay, so smooch kumari's husband is mr. slug. smooch and slug have 2 sons dildo (arjun) and just-one-shot (ranbir). dildo is the heir of the political empire, he thinks so, but he has some tough competition. the competitor – ipill bajpayee (dukhi raja's other grandson, and dildo's cousin). this is the background of the fight. (you may feel free to label one as pandav and one as kaurav. which one... you decide)

now the grand dad – dukhi raja is in his death bed. he calls in his sons and grandsons, and gives the right of being the next chief minister to son-in-law – slug. now thats not something that ipill bajpayee will take lying down. he is red with anger. he teams up with dalit leader – choosela aam (devgn) (this after a series of shadyantras which is hilarious to watch and difficult to pen). now choosela aam is the real prankster, he decides to get mr. slug killed. he succeeds. slug is killed and poor smooch kumari now wears a white saree.

now, the grand dad dukhi gives the rein of the political empire in dildo's hands. but you know... dildo paagal hai, dildo deewana hai. there is one party worker who wants a seat – she is slutty savi3. she walks in a room full of ministers, and drops her pallu. dildo is excited and asks others t o leave the room hallu hallu. they go and he comes. he cant wash it off that easily. not that he had protein stains like how bill did. but he lands in a big locha. slutty alleges rape. and poor dildo is arrested. and it is advantage ipill. (sob sob)

now comes to the fore – just-one-shot (ranbir). he confirms to ipill that he and dildo will flee to america if the charges are dropped. ipill falls into the trap, and ends up losing his throne. he loses his cool on his co-party-chief choosela aam. but they buck up with the devoted slutty by their side. they do some ghapla, and get expelled from the party. but while they rejoice, even "just-one-shot" is rejoicing, as this was his masterplan. he floated his own party.

the new party of justoneshot and dildo doesn't have any money. there is this one girl who is madly in love with just-one-shot from bachpan. her father is a wealthy man. but insists that he will get his daughter "dohpati" (kat) married only to the next chief minister. just-one-shot gives her up, and like a football she is kicked seedha on the older brother dildo's lap. dildo and she don't consummate the marriage. not as yet at the suhaag raat.

now the family gets funded with the money of dohpati's pop. suddenly ipill vanishes. and dildo flourishes. but dildo is again toppled down by a vilify campaign against him by ipill and group.

now enter sexy suzie, who is just-one-shot 's old girlfriend. as she comes in, there is jealousy brewing in the eyes of dohpati. now while domestically, the temperatures are soaring high. politically, just-one-shot decides to topple ipills empire. there was one guy who spoke against the dildo empire, and declared it corrupt. he is in the council of ministers of ipills' empire. he is gay. and has sexual encounters with masseurs, his photo is clicked in "those" moments, his masseur is killed and he is blackmailed. a few frames further, he unravels the picture, and proclaims on tv that ipill is corrupt. before he switches back, he is killed by just-one-shot.

now how could ipill be quiet. choosela aam, strategizes to get just-one-shot or dildo killed. plants a bomb on his vehicle. parallelly, just-one-shot helps sexy suzzie bathe under the shower. and he smooches her, and does naughty things. you know those things. just as to-be-mother-in-law smooch kumari, this babe from italy gets preggy. but soon decides to flee to her country as her beau has changed. she realizes that he has not only killed one person (the homosexual minister) but has also got his men drag slutty to some place for "revenge".

she packs her bags and sets off to leave. as she touches the car, the car blasts. and as her beau watches, dildo who again has just lost his virginity to his wife dohpati dies trying to save his missed-bhabhi... (confusing??? i love it)

now chaggannath, goes to kill "choosela aam". our-of-the-blue for no apparent reason- choosela aam's parents reveal that choosela aam is not their son (heinnn... why????) they bring out the red cloth, which is as durable and shining as it was after so many years. chagannnath gets emotional, realizes he is his nephew and leaves him. he comes back and tells his sister smooch kumari... "woh tumhaara beta hai". saddened smooch, wastes no time in meeting "choosela aam". she tells him "tum toh mere jyesht putra ho. yeh raj toh tumhari hai." (most hilarious line of the film... you should not miss this one) naturally, choosela declines the offer.

finally, some drama cinema happens, (not important)and choosela is shot dead by his step brother (or half brother... ???) just-one-shot. meanwhile, dohpati becomes chief ministerni. woman power!

story ends. and the are credits and a song with music chorried (say inspired if you please) from vande mataram.

this is a film you should not miss. just that you should think that it is a comedy and not a tragedy film.

Thursday, June 10, 2010

The Null And The Void.

There are too many sad things and that too soon. Life is taking a melancholic turn, fear looms as it seems we get closer to doom. Just look at the way things have regressed. A plane falls up a hill one day, the next day,  we hear is that the murderer of 30,000 plus people walks free… hearty and hail, out of the jail.
Funny is our judicial system, and funnier is our psyche. We forget too fast. Remember only dates. Twenty six eleven, seven eleven, and yaah, how can I forget twenty six seven. Sometimes I wonder what's rifer; the shame of the rifle or oxygen denied a refill.  The point I am making is that we live in lives so null and void. Our today is not in search of a better tomorrow, but a prayer of not being denied and devoid of a tomorrow… so ominous a feeling of falling beyond repair.
Most of the wounds on humans are inflicted by excited humans. Excited by greed, excited by lust, or excited by insanity. The Bhopal gas tragedy is a result of human greed inciting nature’s fury. Union carbide leaked the gas, and left nature chocked forever. The ones who managed to inhale were welcomed to haven. The ones who exhaled lived in dearth on earth. Some were blinded, the gene pool is left mutated… the signs  of this once-upon-a-time leak, cant be just unjustly associate with a date. Come on people, lets move beyond this chronological classification. What has happed has not just left us zapped, but has left a insolvable blot on humanity. This cannot be wiped, or dated. What's abysmal a failure is not that so many died, or so many lived. The failure as humans is when we let the culprits off hook, frisking away to their country  so easily. After some 20 odd years, the families of the affected have been given some compensation which is reportedly a joke, and the bigger joke is that the one whose negligence and greed gassed around 30,000 people was awarded a mere 2 year sentence, and almost then-and-there we left on bail. What a shame. Kasab was also indoctrinated, these guys were sanely insane. UC deserved to not just be fucked off but also royally fucked for the sinister crimes they committed. But we left them flee as if it were a fly they killed. Pity. Pity…

On a complete tangent, Sri Sri Ravishankar (love the branding- Sri Sri… double god? Demigod??? ), of Art of Living was supposedly attacked. There was huge drama an hungama over it later to realize that the bullet was aimed at stray dogs. And then the enquiry was stalled. I wonder how, firing a bullet on a dog is “okay” for Art of Living bhakhtjans.  I never believe in these god men. I see god in goodness. I know not much about Sri Sri Ravishankar except that he has the sexy Rhea Pillai as a follower who is completely mantra mughdh about his art of living. Art of Living is a course, cleverly disguised as a discourse. There is a fee to attend the art of living, and I have heard that this money is used for charity.  I wonder wonder though, with no specific reference to Sri Sri how do god men get to travel all across the world? I mean, where does the money come from? Does god make currency notes, and smuggle them to god men?

I don’t have an opinion against Sri Sri, but rightly put by Shobhaa De, “A Guru is known by the followers he or she attracts”. Shobhaa De was attacked for her view about “Sri Sri” it dint go down well by his followers, which is okay. What's not okay are the comments. Read it for yourself.

Now, I have an opinion against Sri Sri. If this is how Sri Sri followers attack people, then god alone knows what is being taught at art of living. Funny. If these are god men, then yes, gods must be crazy. 

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