Friday, September 16, 2011

Love Letter To The Angry Madarasan

Dear Beautiful aand Very Angry Madarasan,

I am nice tamil pullai from Bombaai. I am ketai nakshatram, vadulya gotram… I am from chittoor in palaghat.  I am just like that only zending you some dedails so dhaat you caaan cheg with youaar vaadiyaar if see eef you aaand I caan get alang.  Aaas friends only… naat faar marriage sake okay. So don’t misunderstand me. you know it is better to tell gotram minnadiye, to avoid any painful fights dhaat iyer pullais and iyengaar ponnus or kaveri tanni and  palaghat beople haav. 

I wand to dell you little moor about myself. Liszen okay.

I haav lived in matunga and chembur which is like the mini madras of this mad rush called bombaai. All my atthai’s and atimbers, and chittis and chittapaas and paata and paatis and all the maamas and maamis are from heer only. But zome 3 generations baak they haad migrated from their ooru in south India. It must be near your place only. I haav so many yegstended reladives ovher there, you know.  When we meet in zome kalyaanam with over other reladives, we discover oft-ten dhaat the beople I used to gaal my friend is aactually reladive. You know no. our paati’s and paataas haaad some 7-10 kuttigal. They made more kuttigal. Some fought. Aaand they got zaperated. And now O my gaad, we gould be gouzins. When we draw family trees, It can get embaarasing. Who wants to realize dhaat you aar doing your own gousin.

You would be glaaaad  to know,  dhaat I thrive on masala dosai and idli vadai.. if there is sambaar- then sooper. when I go oud with my amma and appa I go to madras café or myzore café in matunga only okay. Or even brindavan in chembur. Or mani’s lunj home in sion. tho i haav been only in bombay aal my life. i should be more marathi illaiyaa? so? 

And yaa.,.. i go do tembles. and loove mallaigai poo vaasanai. i aalso lige going to tembles like sabari malai aaand guruvaayur. all my faaamily members are graduates or bost graduates from IIT. engineeering is in my blooddu. 

and you are what? reporter.. illaiyaa? besh-besh.. adum nalla profession dhaan. 
I aam in awe of your writing skills. I may agree or disagree with your comments. But let me dell you like that only – you-aar post is awe-zome.

Anna girl, dake a chill-pill, I say. I know dhaat the delhi-pullai will be yennywayz drowning in shame. May be idd iss naat about delhi but about yeah bartigular pullai.. that made you make such morbid generalizations. Delhi is not all dhaat bad. All delhi pullais are not so sad. You know, I haav a lot of awesome beebal of delhi origin. aaand they are lovely beoble. i aalzo had a general view about all delhi pullaigal at one boint aaf time. but i feel now dhaat i was being too rigid with my generalizations. 

You know my reladives aaand zome aaf my glose friends aalso dislige youar post. They mighd get aangry with me aalzo. But, what-to-do gril.. I love you-aar post as much aaas I love my delhi-loving-fair-pullai and friends.

I am bidding you good baai.

Achhah.. varein..

Aiyoo abushtam!!!… poiyittu varein kittaya …

(And in Punjabi style,
Bending  half only to touch your knees)
Paai laagu madarasan! :) 

Youaars tair chaadam loving iyer gousin from bombaai, (bossibility is theer, illayaa?)

Chitoor Venkateshwara Ramakrishna Harish Vishwanath Iyer

P.S. This is in response to this original open letter to a delhi boy  by Shahana 

glossary for my north indian pullais and ponnus also. esp.. delhi pullais

vaadiyaar : priest , ponnu : girl, pullai : boy, atthai : bua, atimber : bua's hubby, paata : dadaji, paati: daadima, chitti : mausi, chitappa : mausa, kalyanam : marriage, kuttigal : kids, malligai poo vaasanai : the aroma of jasmine flower, aiyoo abustam : bad omen, varein : coming/ jaata hu, poiyuttu varein kittaya : jaake aata hu, tair chadam : curd rice, illaiya : isnt it? 


Mithraah Indiirh said...

Mooonjiiiii :)

Still, I love you :)

*Aham* said...

hahahahahah! :)

Sakshi said...

It took me two minutes to understand the south indian english that you hjave used.. Loooovely :)
Awesome, I must say! :)

*Aham* said...

dhaang you saagshi

AI said...

Kritthiga nakshatram, Haridha gothram. Pink Template ! OMG I love you already.
PS- Awzzum post ;)

Fellow Maharashtriam/Palaghat Tambrahm.

*Aham* said...

thang you Al.

Cookiespaws said...

hhahahaaa Im lovin' it!
--Youaars rasam chaadam loving friend

poitava! :P

Anonymous said...

Awesome reply! Very creative! :)

Vibha Babbar said...

Hehehe...too good *Aham*. Witty and crisp. Enjoyed reading...and agree to the pun. Wish 'she' reads this as well ;)

Anonymous said...

HAHA tair chaadam loving iyer gousin from bombaai I'm in love with this!

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