I am a bane.
I am lame.
People are shy to take my name.
Men get low.
After I flow.
After that mighty blow.
I used to be treated as a magic potion.
Today I am a discarded white lotion.
I am forgotten after going through the commotion.
I take you high in your dreams
I also end your screams
But, boy, Im a stick-on protein, i don't melt like ice-cream.
I dive deep down.
Still I am frowned...
like a stain in a coat, a gown.
I end your morning wood.
For some I serve as kink, as drink and food.
Yet i today brood.
I am nobel prize worthy o! Ignorant man.
I define newtons law of motion
"Rigorous forward and backward motion gives rise to white lotion"
I am a liquid.
A liquid with emotion.
I cause hair perm.
I am a sperm. I am sperm. I am sperm.
Never never. Never ever has someone given sperms such a respectable place in indian cinema. John abraham does. Vicky Donor is an #epic. A punjabi munda vicky arora is jobless. He acts as a male-aaya at his mother's beauty parlour. He is being stressed by his hardworking beauty parlour chalane wali bewdi widow mother. She keeps taunting him to find himself a job. Vicky is supported by his grand mom who is quirky and modern and bewdi. Desperate vicky is the perfect genetic prototype. His great grand dad made 18 babies. So doctor annu kappoor thinks he is the perfect sperm donor to save his sinking fertility clinic that sees a lack of "potent" donors. The queue outside doctor's clinic asking for 'aishwarya' or 'dhoni' as a child is never ending. Vicky agrees after much persuasion. He fills the vial with his sperm. And whoa! It is indeed the most potent. Women get richer and richer. And he becomes richer and more 'dad'er day by day.
Vicky falls in love with bengalan Ashema. He doesn't tell her that he is a sperm donor but she tells him that she is a divorcee. And that she lives by her intellectual unmarried buaji and widower father. They get married. She can't conceive as she has blockage in her fallopian tube. So, vicky gets upset that he is the father to so many but he doesn't have a child of his own still. At this moment, she discovers about vicky's profession. She leaves him. And he is screwed. what follows is the conscience stir of the doctor who decides to get all the kids of vicky together to cause hriday-parivartan in ashema. And wow. She does. And a nice happy ending.
Now, if I have revealed the story have I soiled your fun? Naah. You should watch this film for its sheer honesty. And the laughter gas it let's out on you. The epic scene is where vicky's mom tells the bong ashema's dad "mushil hoga naa... Aap 'widow', behen 'bachelor' aur beti 'divorce'" needless to say, my ribs were ripped apart as I held my tummy in uncontrollable laughter. At a time when mamata banerjeeis busy censoring cartoons and suffers from abysmal lack of sense of humour, vicky just needs to throw her name in the ring to win over ashema. How can marry a bong and not speak intellectual politics? I personallly have been a victim of the lack-of-sense-of-humour of bongs. And I'll not be surprised if I get hate mails for stating that "trust a bong (or homosexual or bangaloorian or a tissian) to start an intellectual discussion on anything."
The film's about sperms, while you would obviously walk out with pride and respect for the most mobile sperm of vicky - ayushman, you would beat your chest in pride about the coming of age of women in this film. A class performances by bewdi daadi and bewdi maa. Wish I was a woman and had ovaries like that. So flaunt worthy. Guts is what it takes to make a film about the most forbidden S word. Sperm. The film intricately breaks into a lot of taboo topics brilliantly. It is a film about woman's liberalisation with the role of the mom - dolly and grand mom (who is as open as sambhav's dadi was in we the people). Its a film about sexuality and the need to speak to your children freely about sex. The scene where ashema's father urges his daughter to return to vicky by sharing the way he used to make love with her mom is (for the lack of a perfect word) 'endearing'.
There are portions which I first felt that this film will lead to riots in bengal. But then, the way they balanced it with punjabi bashing and humour was just superb. The acting is flawless. The actors have dissolved their real lives into the reel roles they are playing. You don't see ayushmann in the film - you only see vicky arora. Everyone fits in so well, even the support cast. Even the dog and extras in the film seems to be in character throughout. The music is so so, but befitting. The direction - wow. The one person who deserves the national award and the oscar and the BAFTA for this film is the dialogue writer. There are dialogues and there are "dialogues". I can't even share it in words... It is to be seen in vicky donor.
The film is so inspiring that it could be raining sperms at rutambara clinic, you would drive down and dive into the vial.
The film has one scene where the doctor is screening people and one of them is panzy, campy gay. As a reflex action I tweeted john reminding him quirkyly that he has a great gay fan base and most of us start sperming thinking of him. It was yes offensive. But hey, its okay. They also made fun of several other stereotypes. Being as funny as others, seems like making us as normally abnormal. It's sexy to be a part of a species that invokes laughter than being one boring heterosexual. And well, stereotypes exist, even normal is a sterotype. Hai naa? :)
That scene that speaks of the bias against gay sperms provokes me to say
"I have tested my sperm myself under a microscope during my masters studies and it runs faster than ben johnson. I have had sex. And will too have sex in future unless baba ramdev abducts me. But I am safe always, and hiv and other venereal disease free. True aryan blood I am. Spiritual not religious. Famous, little bit. Dimpled. Fair. Activist. Revolutionary. Love women and men and other animals. Make love to men.I am a gay sperm. Priced at Rs. 10, 000 per ejaculate. 25% of this money goes to a social cause NGO of your choice. Interested in my sperm?