Saturday, March 31, 2012

Blood Money : The Furious Case For Karan Mehra

How to insult a fucking good actor? It is simple. Ask Vishesh Films and they will tell you. A maverick of an actor wasted in a silly role in Blood Money. Mercilessly edited off and used as a pawn to navigate by this stupid director of blood-money - whatever his name is. He is unimportant and soon will be forgotten, unless of course he understands that he is good for nothing until he accepts that he is dunk and he learns. Allow me this rant. As I yo-yo in my thoughts in this unbalanced post I am filled with anger for the director. Rather I should not be really blaming him. It has been a trend in vishesh films– just to show actors kissing is pissing-off trend initiated by the maverick Mahesh bhatt. It is hard to imagine that this is the same production house which produced some classics like dil hai ke manta nahi and daddy and sadak and zakhm has stooped down to this silly level. I feel pooja needs to hold the reins of this doobofying production house which is making money for sure, but by behaving chindi.

What has happened to Mahesh Bhatt. There are many directors-producers who visit talk shows in their part time and make films full time. It almost seems like Mahesh Bhatt gets films basis his talk show appearances. He is not like that. And that's what upsets me more as I am left with no defense statement for him. I am upset because one of my favorite films – Arth was directed by him. And I bloody love Mahesh Bhatt. I hate to see him fall like this. This is another producer gone in the lure and lust of the opposite sex. (these lusty straight men. I tell you!!! )And what does it take for rebel like Mahesh Bhatt to take notice of a fantastic male actor? As a regular of his films I have seen, the last sexy actor he had shown was Aamir Khan. (After that, ewww). His films have shifted from being female oriented to being breast-and-booty oriented. His films are now known for the skin show. I have shared screen space with Mahesh Bhatt in We The People, where I was medi-slutting. And I know he is a great person. And that’s why it hurts the bottom of my bottom when I write this. (While he “lays” his focus on the female body parts, obsessively, he forgets that the average homosexual male, and heterosexual-bisexual females are a big market too. Kindly refer to dharma productions for more details)

We all have our biases, not all admit to it. I don’t rule out the possibility, I may be biased when I bat for karan mehra. Biased because he played me in Amen. Biased because I have been crushing on him from his virruddh (with an extra d or h or whatever) days that he played little bro to smriti irani. Crushing is not synonymous to fantasizing here. (I haven’t yet got any wet dreams because of him ).

I still remember the innocence that he exuded on the small screen. I remember when little vedant (his character in viruddh) was caught by the police and the faces he made.
Then my little 21 inch crown television got an “awe-rgasm” just because of him even though smriti consumed 3/4th of my screen both literally and metaphorically. He was and is undoubtedly my sridevi of the small screen. (For your record, for the uninformed – I believe there is no bigger actor than sridevi). He went further did many serials. Much that he could have been a serial killer, he became an ad-king with him featuring in every second ad. 

Much later came in the role of Amen. I still vividly remember the day when I was finding it difficult to get into the skin of my own skin, when I was playing myself on Amen. After rehearsing for 2 months and with Directors – Deep and Jeet almost tearing their hair apart trying to tell me to be myself in front of the camera, I still found myself paralyzed to fit myself in the shoes of the child sexual abuse survivor, a role that I had outlived in real life with great effort. So finally I gave up. And we were stuck. We includes my co actor – Jitin, whom I so fondly love for putting up with me and being so passionately compassionate in Amen. (Though, I would admit the love is evidently a little less than what I have for karan. ) The only one name that deep and jeet thought of was karan mehra. I didn’t have any clue. That this was the same karan mehra, who was vedant once. We did audition a few people for the role before we got to him. Because they assumed that he would say no to play a gay character. But he saw the essence of the role and not the sexuality. He saw it more than a making-out sleaze. He met up with me. And at the CCD of fun republic of andheri. He delved deep into my personal life. Asked me for my mannerisms and reactions. And irritated me too by interrupting me. I wondered why? Until I saw him act as me. 

And knowingly-unknowingly he had imbibed a bit of me in his character harry. I remember deep calling me for the shot when harry opens the door for Andy. And deep said – “see”. And I had eyes filled with water (yeh toh khushi ke aansu hai pagle) as I saw him. He was just a mirror. Some moments that were just mine, were there up put on display for the world to watch. He was a delight. And aptly amplified by jitin who is not like a support cast, but an equal they take this semi-biopic - amen to another level. Still allow me this bias. I love karan more. The kid in me comes alive many times, when I hate that other Karan Mehra or Naatik... who is a namesake. May be the harry karan mehra should put another A or R or something, just to differentiate from competition. 

And this is what you do to him when he takes a plunge to the big bad world of cinema. Vishesh Films, come on. There could be more substance in your films than Mia’s anatomy. And dear vishesh films, for doing this visibly heavily edited role of karan mehra – you will never be pardoned. A good film to do time pass. Over the weekend still. Watch out just for Karan in a small, insignificant yet impactful role. Next time Mr. Director, get karan to play kunal's character and see the difference. 

naa.. i mean no exaggeration. 

(awe-rgasm : courtesy grey gyan from deborah grey)

Friday, March 30, 2012

Interview : The Mr. Quirky, Harish Iyer

My interview in Gaysi. one super popular solid intelligent homos and desparately intellectual lesbos and trans-but not by-chance ka mecca... Go read.. and yenjaaai...

comment there and make my social-media whoring a success.

 Interview : The Mr. Quirky, Harish Iyer

Sunday, March 25, 2012

Fight For CinePride : porn jaaye but vachan na jaaye

It’s been long that I have updated my blog about Amen and our discussions with the censor board. Our jolly good friends in the censor board are closely monitoring this blog. So thought will tell say a quick – hi.

“Hi uncle! How are you doing?”

Now lets get to business. You may feel free to call it a “rant”.

After being on Barkha’s we the people half a dozen times, I can quite understand that that woman is some force. Today’s we the people discussion was about Members of the Karnataka legislative assembly watching porn in the assembly meeting. Well, they were supposed to be speaking about welfare of public and they lost the “l” of public. Barkha pointed out some scenes from hindi film posters, and the audience and panelists agreed at some point that there is no problem in watching the same as it is approved by the censor board. Then I recollected all the scenes that were approved by your esteemed body that were so close to pornography. (the list is endless!)

I heard about your friend - Bobby bedi’s rendezvous with you. The producer of bandit queen said that he had a tussle with you, and in the spiel he highlighted that he made the censor board understand the difference between pornography and sleaze and real cinema. Is it true? I mean, I am sure censor board knows the difference? Or does it need some serious education!!???

Sir, what do you think amen is?
Is it PORN? is it.. sleazy?
and is it sleazy because we showed “boy-boy love making”?
asked, because that is what your report stated – “delete boy boy love making”.
so, if we replace one of the guys with a girl, it should be okay?

while we await the censor certificate could you please highlight the morality guidelines.
what is your stand on homosexuality?
do you find sex between two men immoral and sex between a man and a woman moral?
because sir, with your comments, it seems you almost saw AMEN as a porn film. Even though the love making scene is vital. You were also very smart in suggesting to the directors – ranadeep and judhajit that the scene is not relevant. I feel bad for you sir, after I heard that comment from you. I think you should join a film school or a course in cinema appreciation. For you stating the above, proves that your sensibilities are not-to-the-mark.

I don’t wish to be rude. But come-on. In the age of the Anna Hazare, how can I be scared to extend a genuinely true heartfelt comment.

Your double standards and treating Amen (almost) as you would treat porn is a juvenile act. Ee nai cholbe!

Thursday, March 15, 2012

JustLikeThat : The Kissing TamBrahm Girl

Grand Mom : what is this!!!
Sarasu's daughter is kissing actors in the lip. Karmam. Karmam.
Me : amamma. she is an actress. And role demands it.
Grand Mom : kashtam. Tamil bhramin ponnu.
Me : amamma. Don't get me started on what all iyer pullai's do.
Grand Mom : no. but who will get married to her.
Me : Siddhart Roy Kapoor will. Btw, amammma what you see in screen is an act.
Grand mom : kadavale.
Me : achhha , so the problem is that she is tam bhram and kissing. Or she is kissing on the lips. Btw, amamma, I'll take u to watch kahaani. She doesn't lip kiss there.
Grand Mom : appadiyya!

a conversation i had with my grandmom about vidya . :)

JustLikeThat - Social Fabric?

A guy in train carrying a cd of "anokhi raat" showing it off to his friend who has erection in his ears and orgasms in his eyes. 

The cover is of a moochad dude who has lips of an orangutaan and body of dara singh.

He is holding the woman's breast precariously like one holds eggs safely to prevent breakage. She is so pretty that she reminds me of the sex-bomb ghosts of ramsay movies.

Hahahha! Did I hear 'homosexuals are perverts and destroy the social-societal fabric of indian society'??


Fb link here

JustLikeThat - Being Different

You are thinking like this...
while they actually would be depressed that they (even if they want) cannot be like you.
What's popular is not the only 'right' and what's right is not always correct. 

To be different is a blessing.
...And you are blessed.
Look at it this way - you cause more envy... They find your life so interesting that they look at you, they discuss you.
And envy comes with a droplet of hate.
But hey... you can't blame anyone for being awesome,
you can only celebrate it!

Tuesday, March 13, 2012

Kahaani - Bidda Bagchi Shotti Bolchi

wonder who is bidda bagchi? she is our chembur babe – the girl next door who is on a fast ride in bollywood. yes, vidya balan she is. And she leaves you spell bound right from the word go. the fact of the matter is that she doesn’t act. she ceases to be vidya balan in the film. all you can see is bidda (bidya) bagchi.

usually reviewers share views on the cast’s performance at the end . but what the heck, fuck the rules, she deserves to be at the top with such an A-Class performance. and so did the audience of Big Cinemas, Kharghar feel. there was a thunderous applause the moment vidya appeared on screen.  it felt almost like female rajnikant had arrived. all that was needed was some abhishek and dance in front of the screen. (or looking at the way she is going, we might soon have to call rajnikant the male vidya of dosa land).

the film starts with a feel of a sci-fi thriller. It was rather deceiving, for what the viewer like me was expecting was a preggy woman running helter-shelter - a dukhiyaari abla naari. but this woman is anything 

but that. she is possessed, and in her character right from the word go. she lands in the effervescent dumdum airport with a baby bump so huge that the baby would popp out any moment. she goes directly to the police station and asks the inspector to help her find her hubby. she accepts help from dost police sub-inspector by the name of Rana. who is her man-friday. he is at her beck and call. she gets into a dingy hotel... lovelorn, and within a life unborn, she starts investigating vociferously and ferociously for her pati-dev while the police mock her behind her back “pregnant karke bhag gaya hoga uska pati” while they all are respectful with her. or let me say - she commands that kind of respect. infact the hotel owner refers to her as your-majesty. and guess, thats more to do with the confidence she exudes on screen than the fact that she was originally a desi-babe who is now a maal of the rajdhaani of madamme tussauds - london.

she runs about with the baby bump. she sneaks inside government offices, chorries files and does all it takes to reach to her husband. there is not one scene where you miss the “hero” in the film. she keeps you occupied. she is not the new he. but she is the new she. there is not one moment that you will jhapko your palak. excellent screenplay and wonderful support cast for bidda bagchi in the film. (as the empathetic politely-smitten police inspector - parambrata chatterjee excels and how!) and cinematography? well - i have never seen my birthplace calcutta this pretty ever. there is an interesting twist in the film. but i dont want to reveal that, you should experience kahaani for that.

vidya balan does it again. after playing the sexually-proactive non-apologetic silk, here she grabs mankind by his balls. she is witty, smart and absolutely deliciously desirable. she reigns supreme yet again holds her head high and defies cliches that belittle the woman.

get up man. make way. "she" has arrived.

did i share that i have a women's rights website. here it is khuli tijori. and Vidya Balan is our first  MAAL OF THE MONTH.  

Wednesday, March 07, 2012

Justice For The Homeless - my letter to Chidambaram

P.C. Chidambaram,
Minister Of Home Affairs,
Government of India.

Dear Chidambaram,

This is with reference to brutality of the Mumbai police and the urgent need to tame them. On Tuesday, 06 March 2012, Mumbai Mirror carried a “story” on page 12 called “Caned for being homeless and by whom”. It was about a pavement dweller outside Chattrapati Shivaji Terminus station. A group of 6 policemen carrying canes beat this man up and didn’t stop even when he was bleeding. His crime – being homeless and living in the pavement. The news article reports that they didn’t stop even after blood was gushing out of his head after being caned. (Here is the link to the article : )

I wonder how we could protect our city from external forces, when our own machinery is so brutal to our citizens. This brutality raises several questions. Is there now law that protects the homeless? Is there a code of conduct for the police? Can they just beat up anybody?

This brutality raises a very important question of national significance - When they could do this to a pavement dweller in full public view, I wonder what would be the condition of real criminal s inside police stations? May be, you should consider giving the police in Mumbai a few stress buster balls or send them to a trip to Bangkok or better still, send them to a mental health asylum for therapy.

I request you to avoid clich├ęs like “I have ordered a probe” in your reply to my email and mail by post, but rather lead by example and tell me and the whole of India – “this is the action that we have taken”.

I rest my case with you, to reinstate the lost faith in our government and the security system in the heart of every Indian.

Harish Iyer
An Indian, A Mumbai Citizen,
and An Equal-Rights Activist

P.S. thought following the compulsions of proper English - I should add “honorable” to minister, but then I decided to park the adjective aside. Will add it before minister after learning about the action you have taken against this.

Tuesday, March 06, 2012

The Lighter Side Of Life

i have decided that besides facebooking. id also document some interesting conversations and anecdotes here. this in no way is "studied" or researched or the right way of therapy for those who have unhealed wounds. i have a very light way of dealing with issues of Child sexual abuse survivors. might not be THE way, but this is a way i deal with things and people. im no psychologist or a counsellor. i direct survivors who write to me to psychologists and psychiatists. but sometimes all the survivor needs is someone who can listen to them without judging them or telling them anything. i think listening is an art. and i am blessed with the power to not hear but listen. so will use it till the fullest. just to take breaks in between, if it gets too overwhelming. 

here is a conversation that i had with my friend. she has survived CSA . this was just our 3rd meeting. 

survivor friend : i have no faith in myself... (goes about narrating what happened with her. her history of abuse)

me : (listens patiently. responds at the right places. she holds me tight and hugs)

me : o god. maar daalogi kyaa kutti. 

she : bloody bitch. i am  upset and you are dramatic. 

me :  kutiyaa. i m just crazy. im not dramatic. there is a big difference. 

she : how insensitive. ass!

me: thats what i was thinking. some people are like a small pimple in the big butt of humanity. i mean that insane assole abuser. 

she: what did you say.

me: i said "that I am insensitive"

she:  you are not. you are just mad. and i love mad. 

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