Friday, August 24, 2012

Resul says his statement has been misrepresented

within an hour of me posting THIS virtual letter to resul pookutty on twitter, about his comments in Hindustan Times where he called  Satyamev Jayate doctored, Resul responded. 

i know that this media game is dirty. sometimes more dirtier than what even madhur bhandar thinks of it to be. but i wouldnt want to doubt the integrity of the newspaper hindustan times either. like the reporter prashant singh who is the quoted journalist in this story, should be some stunt-man or something to fabricate a story about an oscar winner. like this is some suicide mission for him? i dont think so! does that mean i doubt resul pookutty? well, he had quoted these after watching the episode of satyamev jayate on child sexual abuse which featured cindy, me, ganesh, anamika and nazneen. 

i have been advised by my loved ones to not get into the debate between aamir/smj and resul. but i know them as people and not as celebs or brands. and i am unable to hold myself back from standing up  when someone allegedly alleges something that in my opinion is incorrect. well, opinions are like assoles, we all have one. and also, since i posted the blogpost it was important that i post his response to my letter to him as well. 
about this controversy, Resul alone knows the truth. Lets hope that good sense prevails. 

Letter to Resul Pookuty

Dear Resul Pookutty,

read your lovely comments on HT cafe calling "satyamev jayate DOCTORED".

Since we still are basking in your glory of the Oscar award we will appreciate everything you say. You can stoop. May your show get more publicity by taking a dig at satyamev jayate

But Resul, you take a dig for free!

Freedom of expression, you see!

...You sing a common tune.

We all like riding over the shoulders of giants - don't we? 

♥ Here's my dry-wali chummi for you! ♥


read a blogpost about resul's response to this drama HERE 

Monday, August 20, 2012

BlogRoll : Josh Kenway

people! here is somebody who is trapped in pain. he is married to a woman. and he is gay. 

i have encouraged him to start a blog and give his other side a new identity and start communicating with gay people. it is a much needed vent for him. and an acclimatization medium. 

i know he could be labelled a cheater, and as some body who has no balls. but another perspective could be that most often, it is not just the gay-married man but also we as a society fail in providing gay people and families the societal fabric where gay relations are a norm. this man had flings, and that's the only aspect of homosexuality, probably he was exposed to. 

i know there are many of us who are judgmental about married gay men. but for a while lets put our prejudices aside, and encourage him in this world that he was not exposed to yet by interacting with him. 

every life is a story to learn from. 
no man is bad in totality. 
and each one of us have a dark side that we hold close to. that side, that only our heart is aware of. 

what we see, is sometimes not what it is. 
and what it is, is sometimes what we don't want to see. 

here is his blog. 
do comment and engage with him.

Friday, August 17, 2012

Thursday, August 16, 2012

The You Is An Other Me

dead of the night,
when dreams hold me tight.
i fly away to you,
into the valley crimson and blue.

away, alone, i find the wind,
blowing freedom under my wing.
i then take flight,
and fly out of sight.

i perch on a new nest,
with a clean chest.
there i find another you 'lone,
with no wing, and a broken bone.

looks like he has fallen off the tree,
in the pang to be free.
suddenly at the whack of time, screaming! yelling! mummy woke me
awaken in my dead dreams, i realize the you is an other me.

the you is an other me.

"years of abuse had left my mind numb. there are some things that were deep submerged in my memory as blind spots. and everytime i speak about abuse, some of these blind spots open up. and suddenly intuitively i remember some sketchy lines and incomplete thoughts that i had once thought of, but lost them in the sands of time. the above poem is one such thing, that i had probably penned during my early college years."

Wednesday, August 15, 2012

The Freedom To Be

I am a man. I’m a free man. I am a free gay man. I am a free gay man in independent India. Freedom is a celebration of all colours, my 6 coloured rainbow is just a part of it. I’m a small yet significant voice in the cosmos of sexuality. I am more than a mere statistical figure. I am not an ‘anybody’ that you can assign a small bloody percentage to and make me feel like a nonentity.

The concept of freedom means different to different people. To me, it is the freedom to be. To be what I am with no fear of compulsions from the world that is sees everything from the heterosexual lens. 

It is ingrained in our minds from womb to tomb that there are two genders, and we need to get married to the gender that is not ours. I remember how the girls I played with in school became my girlfriends, but the boys never got referred to as “boy friend’s”. My amammaa (grandmom) taught me god helps those who help themselves; unfortunately, my grand mom did not reflect the same sentiments when she learned that I loved people in my gender. She took some seven rounds of the siddhi vinayak mandir to request godji’s divine intervention in turning me heterosexual. I tried to explain to her in godly terms “amamma it was not the case of god who created man, and man created homosexuals. Actually god created homosexual men.” It took me some more moons to explain to her the different flavors of sexuality, and that she was working against gods intent by looking to transform what godji made people naturally. I explained to her that homosexuality is found in over 450 species and humans are just one of them. She finally understood after years and years of wanting to find me a suitable bride. Is she free from prejudices about sexuality? Yes. But is she free from prejudices per se?NAAAH.. she now wants me to marry a vegetarian hindu boy. Preferably a South Indian tamil speaking iyer-boy who is not from Vadhula gotram.

We are never really free from prejudices. We still are a country in which the voice of anyone swimming against the tide is engulfed by the tidal wave of predefined customs, traditions and religion. We don’t look for validation from god; we in fact create our own god that will be in tandem with our thoughts. Homosexuals, Bisexuals and transsexuals go through a lot of bias in the name of god and religion and customs, for we as a collective society dread the different. LGBT persons are just that – different. But just as different as two heterosexuals or any two individuals would be. And god, if she/he/T does exist, am sure would not agree to discriminate between individuals - and never basis their sexuality. In free india, I beg for freedom from interpretations of customs that bind. For a change, how about customs that value-add, let you be, give you wings and set you free?

Well, is it dharma and customs-traditions ka drama alone that is being used as an alibi for our prejudices? Not really. Sometimes it gets personal. After I appeared in an NDTV show with Barkha on homosexuality, I received a series of hate mails. I wasn’t complaining. I loved the fact that my haters took time off their busy schedule to write mails to me. But amongst them were also some “kind” (pun intended) souls, who pitied me and told me how I should live my life and also gave me some valuable tips about how I could spice up my sex life to enjoy sex with the other gender and make babies. It was their definition of a happy-family. I live on a staple diet of bollywood movies. And I know that we romanticize the idea of a mother-father-child “complete” family. We are obsessed with the idea of procreation. Procreation is the detrimental factor of sexual potency. But we don’t speak about sex (and sexuality is a forbidden word). We just have a lot of it. A non-child-bearing woman is ill-treated and discriminated. She is called Baanj. A man with low sperm count is called a Na-Mardh(not-a-man). It is sad that this happens in the age of test tube babies, surrogate moms and at a time when Vicky donors of the world are working hard to give the world a vial of a million potent sperms. Homosexuals fall under the purview of intolerance against non-procreators. We are a country obsessed with the idea of making babies. In fact we associate the phrase “starting a family” with making babies. Any kind of sex that doesn’t yield babies is considered unnatural. Sex that isn’t for procreation is looked down upon. And not that all homosexuals cannot procreate. Homosexuals don’t wish to put a part of their body where their heart isn’t. We don’t feel sexually attracted towards the opposite sex. And we need to be commended for being honest about it, because getting married and experimenting with your wife is an easy choice. 

It is like a gamble. A man sleeps with his wife and keeps practicing, keeps using her as a guinea pig. Sometime for sure he will hit jackpot. Sadly the woman is not a roulette parlor and the man is not the spin ball. 

And it is inhumane to even think of people are pawns for procreation. Being a student of lifescience, I have had the opportunity to check my sperm under a microscope and I tell you, I can put aayushman khurana (Vicky donor) to shame. But that’s not the factor of my sexuality. It is not that because I have it, I need to use it to the optimum capacity and produce ‘results’. My life is not a science lab. Sexuality is beyond the paradigms of procreating capabilities. Many mothers of homosexual kids play the trump card of emotional blackmail. “what will happen to you when you turn old? Who will look after you.” And if this was not enough they get the patriarchy in it “who will give shoulder to your dead-body or lit your funeral pyre or bury you dead”. Some overtly concerned nosey moms work as wish-granting fairies, they give their gajar ka halwa and badaam ka doodh and many other magic potions to change their sexuality. It doesn’t change the sexuality of their children. If it does, it only pumps in more testosterone and catapults their libido to a dangerously exponential level. 

The truth is that in free India, we are still looking for reasons to crucify anyone who doesn’t procreate. How I wish that we stopped defining normal and abnormal basis procreating abilities and stopped looking at people who don’t procreate as abject and diseased creatures. 

The reality is that sex is not just natural if it is for procreation, it is natural even if it is for recreation.

A recent episode of “gumraah” in television channel V focused on homosexuality. It spoke about some jealous young men fitting a webcam to spy on their friend’s sex life. They were ‘amazed’ and ‘disgusted’ when they learnt that their friend is not dating-mating with a woman but another man. The episode was a window to the snooping padosan (neighbor) syndrome that is an epidemic in India. We all want to know who is “DOING” whom. And if she/he or T is “doing it” a different way, we feel disgusted. I think that is cheap to peep into or comment about anyone else’s sex life. Even though, I often share in the spirit of humour “I will appreciate people being jealous of it”. This episode also helped me discover something that I as a homosexual man never knew about. The overtly empathetic anchor of the show said “homosexuality is not a disease. It is a LIFESTYLE”. My eyes popped out. I wanted to get inside the TV screen and give a Hi-Five to the anchor’s face. “Sexuality is not a fad moron”. It is not a brand. I don’t wake up every morning and say “o god! I am bored of homosexuality, let me try heterosexuality” and 

yeah- I will wear my whiteness smile, best-a-man-can-get suit, the aaram-ka-maamla befitting underwear and top it up with a bit of homosexuality?

And people don’t sell sexuality at the nearby fashion store. (Though, I do find the shopkeeper cute). This independence day I look for freedom from definitions that don’t really define us. In fact, I refuse to be defined by the world. I refuse to be confined. I am of free spirit. I am not a passing fad. I will define what I am myself. While I love being called “creative”. I refuse to be pigeonholed in these compartments. I am much beyond. Yes, we are hairdressers, we are makeup artists, we are dancers, we are creative people but we are also lawyers, accountants, journalists, HR professionals, cab fellows and rickshaw drivers. And still if you insist that “Stereotypes exist” let me tell you that 
“NORMAL is the biggest stereotype”
I refused to be shackled in the name of culture, tradition, procreation or even by your definition of ‘my’ god. The only thing that’s abnormal is discrimination. And we are abnormal too. We discriminate within us. Bisexuals and transsexuals are discriminated within the LGBT sphere. They are seen as pansy or cheaters. The fact that I use the word THEY is a bias by itself. The truth is that they are only as normal or abnormal as heterosexuals and homosexuals. This discrimination makes us equal to heterosexuals who discriminate. (Well, not that it is a thing for us to be proud of) Bisexuality, Homosexuality, Transexuality, Pan Sexuality and even Heterosexuality are just wordy definitions of desires. We seek freedom from bias, societal compulsions and funny compartmentalization of our desires. We seek the right to LOVE. We, who form sexualities other than heterosexuality, accept heterosexuals with an open heart in our society. We wish they take a cue from us and bid adieu to their discrimination. It only limits them. Love has no boundaries, and freedom is my right to be me and continue being me in a world that wants me to be the other.

(this was the first draft of the article that i wrote for  Indian Express CLICK HERE to read the article. Had to edit the article to keep up with for word-limit lochas)

Tuesday, August 07, 2012

Gays Are A Bad Influence To The Society?

a closeted friend of mine very innocently asked me if gays were a bad influence to the society. he dreamt of a happy family. and had a very homophobic view of his own sexuality. this promo of amen summarizes the questions in his mind. 

and my answer, in my quirky drama-queen avataar  is below in the jpeg. 
click to enlarge. 

Monday, August 06, 2012

The Touch Of Fantasy

Around Lust, anguish and greed.
I float above, where winds that into infinity bleed.
The cry, the moan, the scream,
All make up for my dreams.

Wake me up and bring me down,
The sky is poisoned, it is turning brown.
Where even the glimmer of hope doesn't beam...
In hope I smile, in smiles I scream.
All make up for my dreams

My eyes have dried,
Feels like I have died,
Hope is real, yet it only seems,
In pain I smile, in smiles I scream,
All make up for my dreams.

When my soul is dead, then in the corner of the crescent sun,
The been of the snake charmer has begun,
Now I twist and twirl, and squint and whirl,
Rise from my hood, and my fangs I hurl.
In anguish I smile, in smiles I scream,
All make up for my dreams.

Lost, am I, in the lost woods,
Between the broken bridge of what I have, and what I could,
I helplessly seek the dope of a glimmer of hope,
Like a flurry butterfly moving back into the caterpillar-hood,
Lost in the woods, back into childhood,
In my pangs I smile, in smiles I scream
All make up for my dreams.

The rain of pain, seems to never end,
Happiness floods me, I pretend,

My emotions a little wild lame Jane, 
waiting for  Tarzan of the wilderness to tame,
I'm a lost babe in the woods.
Only hope is when I see what i couldn't and  she could,
She rushed, held his hand
gave herself a new name,
- it was then when I was maimed.

She became my road to fantasy,
She is my ecstasy.

In my smiles, she smile, in her smiles I dream,
She is my real dream.

cant recollect when i wrote this exactly. guess it was when Mr. India had released.  this was etched in the archives of my memory. i just refurbished  it a little. i know it is a little silly. a little stupid. but this is  very "me" around ten. and i should confess that nothing has changed over years in terms of maturity. :p

thanks prerna, aamir, svati, suzanne, vidhi and team for this dream-come-true moment. i need to dream more for having unfulfilled dreams. 

Thursday, August 02, 2012

Close, Too Close : book review

This book is not a book; it is an exploration into the deepest secrets of humankind. It unleashes the animal in you – it brings your lusty, sexy self to the fore. And the best thing is – that you don’t feel awkward about it

That quite well summarizes what I feel about this book. I am not a “book reader”. A very non-queer person, I would straight turn out to be, if I was to be compared with the verbose queer junta. Well, to me reading a book is like venturing into a virgin land that I know not much about. So, there are few comparisons, and unaided, heartfelt responses. 

The foreword by Vikram Doctor acts as a foreplay for the book. I have been a connoisseur of his articles in newspapers since long, so it was no surprise that I was bowled over yet again. His crisp knowledge about Queer Literature in Bombay is quite amazing. I could relate to it. We have had queerdom expressed as “bromance” “sismance” in our films and literature.

There is no “subtext” in this book. There is no reading-between-the-lines or implying, there are only wet vaginas and hard penises. Yes, the book is explicit. And that’s how erotica should be – like an unguided missile, making your heart beat faster, and you grow longer. 

My favorite in the Anthology is “Dreams and Desire in Srinagar”. This is a story that catapults you towards a new horizon. Michael Malik G has written a story that is almost a pictorial orgasmic screenplay. His story about his kashmiri fuck buddy, much younger than him, touches upon the young-old same sex romance in a beautiful way. His fantasies with the 20 something kashmiri houseboat owner, makes me want to visit Kashmir. This story was so erotic, that at the end of it, I realized it created a well-cuming. If you understand what I mean. 

I could quite relate to the The story Perfume by D'Lo, for I do know of people who have peculiar smell. Like my ex used to smell like a temple. Sweet and serene. I was transported to those times. This story made me realize the power of smell as a sensation to take back to memories and events that have long happened and how soon we remember the people associated with their particular smell.The fact that the two protagonists in this story were lesbian women wasn’t an interruption. It was a story that even people from all shades of sexuality would relate to. 

The transsexual woman story by Chicu – “Solioloquy” is awe inspiring. Especially the fact that the trans-woman addresses her mom as “adopted mother” was quite from the gut and the heart. The honesty by which the story is told gets you to seep inside the skin of the character and experience the angst of a trans-woman and the pride she has in having a body that is not anatomically in her nature, but that is sculptured as per her nature. 

I loved Shadowboxer by Nilofer. Watching it, I asked myself, where is the ME in the US. We often wish to enjoy other’s bodies, delve into sexual pleasures with the other. But one neednt compromise on self love in this quest about love with the others. I loved the illustrations that portrayed, how irrespective of being a lesbian couple, we still have our own fantasies and our own space. We may have sex easily but the joy fingering oneself alone in the night in the loo, imagining all fetishes and having an orgasm... and then quietly going to bed with your girlfrend who is already asleep,, we all need our space and have right to our wild fantasies right? 

Devdutt Patnaik adds god to queer. My friend Deep believes so too. His mythological interpretations never cease to amaze me. But in Close to Close i got to explore the erotic side of his writing in the story of the Marriage of Somvat and Sumedha, two friends from childhood who in order to marry women want to procure a cow from the king by feigning to be husband and wife when one of them cross dresses. But ultimately in the forest, in the cave, the long time friends realize that marriage to women would mean separation from each other and the transition from friendship to passion and love is what the story is about. The description of the entire act is sensuous to the power of infinity.... especially Devdutt intertwines nature so beautifully in their act of love making that I felt that nature is always celebrating communion. A communion beyond the boundaries of sex, gender and sexuality. In my campaigns on sex and sexuality, I often encounter people who don’t want to imagine that their parents had sex, and parents don’t want to think that their children have sex. And devdutt manages to speak lucidly about our gods having sex and also about the flavours of their sexuality. Hopefully we would have films based on his books. 

Since I would have a very queer perspective, as I am out and out and out a gay guy. I passed my book on to my friend Deepa Rebello, who is straight-but-not-narrow and thought it would be great to sum up the review that she mailed me after reading the book. She called me and almost sounded orgasmic in happiness. 

Just finished reading the book "close, too close " 

Awesome fantabulous brilliant are the words that come to my mind. This book is destined to be a bestseller in the erotica Simply unputdownable..
Although the book is based on queer erotica there is nothing queer about its just erotic plain and simple. It would appeal to the straights just as much it would appeal to the LGBT's.

The book transcends all barriers pertaining to gender and touches at the root of all human desires the need to be loved and pleasured.

The book is veered more towards lesbians(female lovers) than towards gays (male lovers). The stories comprising of female lovers for e.g. Pity that blush, Msbehave, The half day - is what makes up for a major part of the book. Its juicy contents and sentiments can be relished over and over again. However the book falls dry and flat when it comes to the gay love stories. It lacks the depth of the female counterparts which makes it a dry read at times while reading through the course of it. The book steers towards the female audiences more than the male ones . Could it be because the editors of the book are woman..? Nothing wrong there though.

Overall the book is a definite must pick and must read.

To order a copy of Close, Too Close Click here

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