Tuesday, April 02, 2013

"I am sorry" says a mother #SurvivorStory

A month ago, had met a single mother of an adult boy who was sexually abused by a close female relative as a child. The mother was being overtly sympathetic towards the abuser as "she must have been upset about something". The boy was braving serious psychological complications. Dropped out from school. Stayed depressed most of the time,  was very reserved and oblivious towards the simple joys of life. When the boy told his mother, she simply hugged him and asked him to forget it. She "scolded" the abuser for her misbehavior and she thought - the chapter was closed forever. She thought that her child was just one spoiled brat. The boy was reprimanded for every mistake he did. The boy always tried to draw his mothers attention in the wrong way.



All this I got to know when I probed the mother. The mother didn't feel like approaching anyone when her child was abused and she quickly made assumptions about abuse and had in a big-hearted gesture pardoned the abuser by making excuses for her. The mother contacted me because she discovered copies of bombay dost in her son's closet. She was only worried that he was in one too. She thought this would bring her family a bad name.



I spoke to her every day from 01 march 2013. And yesterday, finally she said sorry to her son. She hugged him and cried. She told him that she was sorry that she was silent and didn't take action against the abuser. She said she was sorry that she thought her son was sexually wayward and 'kinky' to have sex with men. She told him that she accepts him as he is, she believes him and she loves him. The boy hugged  his mothers breast and asked "what took you so many years mom?". She didn't have an answer to that. 




Yesterday, late at night, her son called me for the first time. His voice was choked. His words were trembling. After 30 minutes of just thank yous from him. He asked me if he was gay because he was abused by a woman. I told him that I am gay even though I was abused by a man. I probed, and found out that he had sexual encounters with women but thought naturally about men. Told him that love and his being is beyond reason. Told him "you are gay because you are gay and that's the truth because you feel that way... And no science and no age old wisdom and no experience is needed to justify your feelings"



He said that he wishes to be a child again. He said he wishes to be born to me. As a reflex action, I quickly shed some tears of joy for he rekindled the fact that I always thought that deep-within me lies the soul of a mother. He asked me what he could gift me for my birthday. I asked him if his mother and he were okay with his story being shared publicly - that could be the biggest ego booster I need, for it is like an oasis in the desert of traumatic abuse stories everyday. Today morning he said mom and he were fine with me sharing their story but requested me to conceal their identity and obvious references. They asked me if there was anything they could do for me or gift me. I have asked them to keep in touch because they are still just overwhelmed, and healing is a process not an impulsive high. They insisted that they wish to gift me something, I replied that their consent was the biggest gift and that I will flaunt this mail on my blog and other sites - the big drama queen that I am! :)

And... here it is! 








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