Friday, October 31, 2014

The "Woh" is a Man


The Bangalore Case where the husband cheated on the wife with another man raises a few eye brows and many questions

Read about the case here : http://www.bangaloremirror.com/bangalore/cover-story/Sec-377-slapped-on-Infosys-techie-after-wife-catches-his-gay-acts-on-spycam/articleshow/44964745.cms

1) I empathize with the wife, I really do, but is slapping 377 on the husband justified?

2) Would we have slapped 377 on this guy if the guy cheated on his wife with another woman and the wife caught them in 'unnatural acts'...as per the legal parlance?

3) Would the trauma the wife suffered be any less or any different if the 'woh' was a  woman.

4) The media revealed the name of the employer and other details  which makes it easy to identify the husband. Would the case be any less serious if the husband worked at the barber shop and not an IT firm? Would they have dared to do the same if it was the wife who was the culprit?

5) We take a moral high ground when it comes to cheating on your partner, cross your hearts and tell me, haven't you ever cheated?

6) It takes me ages to argue with the police and get a simple FIR for stalking a woman registered. Who are these lovely policemen who register a 377 on a infidelity case?

7)I  stand for equal rights. If the wife feels cheated - grant her divorce. If the husband caused mental trauma - demand alimony. But slapping 377, isnt it stretching this too far with malicious intent?

8) Also the journalism stoops to a new low here. Why reveal the identity of the man?

I received a string of Whatsapp messages from a friend who championed women rights and thought the man deserved no sympathy because he 'cheated'. He stopped sending me messages when I asked him "weren't you in a relationship with someone when you were giving me a blowjob some years back? "

We are a homophobic and hypocritical society. Hence proved.

Thursday, October 30, 2014

A bit of me on the stage, and a bit of you.

How does one feel when a part of your body stands in front of you live and alive  in flesh and blood?

Martin's play - the tricky part, trickles down your spine leaving chill and thrill down your spine at the same time. It is a play that has four characters on stage - a stool, a book, a photograph and Martin.

So human his play is that you dissolve in it completely.

While Martin inspires the world and people call it 'courage' , to me it is his way of therapy and finding himself by connecting the dots of the past and the present is what is most inspiring.

Post the play, martin and I took questions from the audience. Modesty has never been my nature, so while you make your judgments allow me my moments of pride.  It was happy to note from the counsellors present in the audience,  that some survivors read my posts and look up to me. While I scare some people by holding a mirror to their past that they would rather not address, I also am seen as the level , the benchmark of where people  want to reach in dealing with their abuse. I can tell you guys and girls and trans persons that we all set our own benchmarks. There are levels that you may reach that I aspire to be. Every case of abuse and every method of dealing with it is as diverse as chalk and cheese though it looks very similar in some angles. Martin's life or mine is a story, just a story that resonates with your life. Parts of it is true to yours, but a part of it is also unique. The paths you discover to deal with it, and rise from it will also be unique and independent to your life. Be the god of your story. Write your own happy sad story with a happiness in continuum.

I have been planning something with a friend I am very fond of-  Sapna Moti Bhavnani since quite sometime now. Rather to put it correctly we have been planning something together. But I should confess, i haven't found the courage to write down my piece completely. There are phases when I lose my train of thought.  Now I will. Martin inspires me to connect the dots of my past and present.

Do yourself a favor - watch The Tricky Part. It is empowering, but more importantly, its theapeautic.

Forced to lure - a case study

"I know what has happened. I know what you have done. I know you repent. I want you to know, no matter what has happened, whatever you have done or not done - I will not judge you. I will stand by you through this. I will love you. I dont want you to believe in me. I want you to believe in yourself. I want you to see yourself from my eyes, for you will see then that you are without sin"

#JustToldSomeone

Context : as a young girl she was forced to lure boys and girls her age then and get them to "play"with her abuser. It has taken her 8 years of talking-it-out to stop feeling guilty. In her late 30s now, she has put her past in her past. She is writing her memoir about her interactions with me. Which she intends to publish someday when she decides to go completely public about her life. :)

Happy I be.

*some primary identifiers have been changed to protect the identity of the survivor*

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